*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=105. The main character is Sam Williams, a Creepypasta character you can google if you’d like. Enjoy!*
He stood in the middle of a carnival, all of the rides and attractions like broken skeletons blooming hauntingly in the darkness. Sam didn’t know how he got there, but there he was.
There were children crying but he didn’t see them. No matter where he looked, nobody was there.
And yet it felt there was someone watching him, waiting for him. Sam thought he saw the glimpse of long black claws, but it was only seconds and everything looked black in the night.
He took one step forward and felt his feet sink deep into the ground, deeper, deeper, deeper still-
Sam’s eyes shot open, facing the safe shadows that was his ceiling and hearing the shuffling of feet which told him Sally was there. He tried to tell his parents and they never listened, not even with photos.
So he’d have to face it with just her.
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Sally Williams is also a Creepypasta character you can Google if you'd like. Here are some fanfics that connect to this:
Sally’s Halloween
An old friend returns
Tears of a broken little girl
What is that?
A Clown?!
Sally and Laughing Jack have an interesting conversation
A car pulls up
Sally makes a decision
Sally appears before the boy
Should Sally appear?
Late into the night
Sam’s search throughout the house
Sam and Lazari converse
Sam is nearly dragged into the abyss
Lazari thinks on it
Hi creeperfeverdreams, thank you for sharing your eggselent work - I'm here with an egg-inspired review for you today!
The Shell: A Round Interpretation - Overall Thoughts
I am obsessed with this whole Lazali and Sam story. I'm glad to see Sam back here, though I'm not sure I'm reading this in the correct order! The setting of the carnival rides is really good and has a creepy atmosphere, and the dream-like sequence and subsequent waking is a really good device to drive the creepiness.
The Yolk: The Best Bits
I really like this description of the rides being like broken skeletons; it's so unique!
This part of the dream is really vivid, and really feels mimics the sensation of falling out of a nightmare.
The Egg Whites: Time to Stir - Suggestions
'Sam didn't know how he'd gotten there, but there he was' flows a bit better here.
You should describe Sally in more detail; make this part even creepier! The parent dynamic is a nice touch, but delve deeper into it. Why didn't they listen? How did he try to make them?
Brought to you by Team Egg - in honor of TheEgg
You are reading them in the right order, don’t worry. :>
Thx for reading/advice!
Felt like reading a few more of your stories today. Starting with this one.
I do believe you can’t leave it like that. It feels incomplete. Maybe “only for seconds” would work? But that also doesn’t quite sound right. But already a very good image. Very haunting =DI do like the image you create in the first paragraph! I am not so sure about “blooming hauntingly” because it kinda overloads the sentence but I also cant think of an alternative so, keep on going :3
I feel like this needs more elaboration: Yes, even if we have context from the previous snippets, it would really improve this work here if you could ground this information into what’s happening right here, right now 😊
Maybe a hint on what they need to face together? You could really easily tie this all together when you reference the italics dream here.
Otherwise, really good snippet!
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