Hello, My Friend!

Oh, so this one is a flashback with JASON as a child, pre-cryptid status! That's awesome! I love the backstory implications here, how it ties in so well to what we know about Jason's story, and just like with Ben and Kyle, I can tell you put a lot of thought and love into what their lives would look like before (or after!) the creepypasta stories we know! Let's get into the details...

As far as technicalities, well, I have no recommendations to make! Not a typo in sight, and I enjoyed the premise!

As for favorite parts, well...

But Jason crept over to a box at the corner of his room and took out the wooden toys he made out of scraps.

They were funny-looking, but at least they were toys.

I thought this was a great way to not just tell, but show us Jason's past struggles. The fact that Jason just wants a toy, even just a scrap like this, is so bittersweet.

He just wanted to play, just for a little bit. Just for a little bit, he’d take himself to a world where he was praised and loved, where he was appreciated.

Aw, this felt like an especially sad moment and really drove this piece's purpose home...It is definitely easy to empathize with Jason here. Plus, zooming in on something more human about him was neat! This feels like the type of character that would devote himself to giving Raisa a good childhood, because he clearly didn't have one. Aw <3

Overall, that was a great snippet to continue Jason's story! Nicely done!

Hello again, vampricone! I hope you don't mind that I keep showing up in your notifications, haha!

In the end, they wanted him to be better and better than he was, because it built “personality and character”.

I would rework this sentence. What is "it"? Can you be more specific? I mean, I could easily speculate, but for the most part, you don't want the reader to speculate, as they could lose the meaning of whatever it is that you are trying to convey. It's better to be clear and concise.

But Jason crept over to a box at the corner of his room and took out the wooden toys he made out of scraps.

I think you can add a bit more to the beginning of this sentence. Describe to the reader why this is so impactful. Why does this matter? I know that you just explained that Jason was not allowed to do anything but study, but I still feel like you can expand on this and really show the reader why this action will have consequences.

With that said, I do think that this chapter has potential, but it really is too short to say much else. I know it's meant to be a short story, but it's so short that it almost feels like there was no point to it.

Hopefully that doesn't seem offensive. I just think that you left out so much to this. Take your time with describing this story to the reader. Include more imagery and help us understand just how cold and lonely this room is, and how Jason feels by being forced to stay in his room and study all day long. What do his parents look like? What does his room look like and feel like? How does it make Jason feel, to be stuck inside? Does he have a bedroom window? Can he see the neighborhood kids playing outside? What about those toys, why do they matter? Judging by your author's note, they are relevant, so give us more information on them. Do they resemble anything humanoid? What colors do they have? What else can you show us?

It feels like this was meant to be a teaser of some kind, and while that's fine, I still think you can include a bit more to really draw the reader in and get them hooked and ready for the next part. Build their intrigue up just a bit more.

I hope this review was helpful. See you around!

~ Iggy

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well it would seem that poor Jason before he turned into the horror that he is, did go through a really tough time in childhood. You can almost feel the kind of events that would take place here to cause his eventual self.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Jason watched as Dad closed the door to his room, leaving him alone with piles upon piles of books.

His parents wanted him to study. Since he was home from school, it was study hour. He couldn’t stop studying. He was only allowed to stop when he wanted to eat.

It had been going on for as long as he could remember. His parents were very strict. They didn’t want him to play with any toys because they saw it as distraction, and only wanted him to study. They were never satisfied with how well he did. In the end, they wanted him to be better and better than he was, because it built “personality and character”.

Well looks like Jason had a pretty rough childhood there from the looks of things. It seems his parents were really strict on the whole thing and instead of the responsible amount with breaks he was forced to study all the time and never got a break.

But Jason crept over to a box at the corner of his room and took out the wooden toys he made out of scraps.

They were funny-looking, but at least they were toys. He played with them when he was alone, when his parents weren’t looking.

He’d study soon. He just wanted to play, just for a little bit. Just for a little bit, he’d take himself to a world where he was praised and loved, where he was appreciated.

Just for a little bit.

Hmm well looks like Jason was starting to make toys from quite a young age there. He certainly does seem to have quite the skill for it judging from how things play out there and a lot of interest and you can't blame him for wanting some more love and acceptance.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think you've done a wonderful job putting this together here. It really brings to light how much Jason suffered and the kind of events that inspired who he'd become.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate