*This Creepypasta fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta Stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Sally Dawn was created by La Mishi Mishi, Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb and the older boy mentioned in this story is Sam Williams, who was created by CamyWilliams9. Enjoy!*
Every day, Sally watched as the older boy went about his daily life, doing boring things like schoolwork and chores. His parents were around too, but it was more fun watching the boy than the adults. It also beat getting jump-scared by Laughing Jack any day of the week.
But she didn’t know whether or not she should talk to the boy. Initially, Sally wanted to talk to him, so that he would know to watch out for Laughing Jack, who would most definitely kill him, sooner or later. He had expressed the desire to kill the boy very vocally, as he could never keep his mouth shut.
What would it matter if she warned him, though? The boy would probably take one look at her and scream, thinking that it was her who was out to get him alongside the clown. Maybe he’d think that the clown was an elaborate hoax or that she was actually the clown posing as a little girl in order to manipulate him. It didn’t matter. Humans were scared of the supernatural and thought that every single creature was out to snuff their lives up, even the little kid ghosts, like Sally. Especially the little kid ghosts.
She was watching the boy in his room, from the shadows, debating whether or not she should show herself to him. Laughing Jack could very well be waiting to snatch her up just so he could show off his jagged teeth and bloody claws, so really, there wasn’t a single moment where she was safe or a moment that was “right”.
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139,023 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hmmm I really like the idea of Sally having nothing to fear from LJ but keenly aware that others are not that lucky. I'm a bit sad that she's been so burnt by the reaction of other humans that she's thinking about not even attempting to save him. But I do like that she used to try, that she's not a ghost that does evil. I don't like the implication that while LJ might be unable to hurt her or something he's still capable of being so scary that it would ruin all her efforts in being kind to others. Feels really like she's trapped in his influence
She is pretty trapped, but she will fight him off!! This misery is not for long!!
Glad you enjoyed. :>
Hi creeperfeverdreams! In honor of Review Month, I'm here to review your work Sally makes a decision. Let's get into it!
At first glance, one would think this is a very short, sweet, and simple story. However, there is more to it that meets the eye. I read a few of the stories/chapters before this one to gain some better context of the overall fanfic, but even if a reader did not do that, this story is still filled with suspense, narration, and fear embedded. I think you do a really wonderful job at integrating the overall sense of fear and mystery into every single work I read! You do this by capitalizing on the characters emotions and internal dialogues, while giving descriptions such as "jagged teeth" and "bloody claws" that really highlight the horrific images the characters are seeing as well.
What primarily dominates in this story is exposition, as the 3rd person narrator gives a play-by-play of Sally's thoughts, hesitations, and feelings. I would have loved to read this from Sally's perspective, to really hone in on that fear and unsettlement she felt as she lingered, wondering many questions. However, the presence of a 3rd person narrator in this story creates an even bigger sense of eeriness because 3rd person narrators tend to be more unreliable. These are things to consider while writing a fiction piece, and I think this works well as a 3rd person narrative but also has the potential of being a wonderful 1st person narrative.
I definitely love reading your work whenever I come across from it, and I admire how much you dedicate to your writing and creativity! I hope you may never lose inspiration. Keep writing and God bless.
Thank you very much for your review