*This song/poem is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta Stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Laughing Jack is a Creepypasta character created by Snuffbomb. Enjoy!*
A smile and a laugh
From Laughing Jack!
In the blink of an eye
He’ll make you cry
You must play his games
And be his best friend
If not, then it will be your end!
A smile and a laugh
From Laughing Jack!
In the blink of an eye
He’ll make you die
Why did you have to be such a brat?
All he wanted to do was chat
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hey vampricone! Here for the last review for June!
I like how short and simple this is, it kind of gives the effect of being a children’s nursery rhyme or something similar. It’s a little in the tone of the ones kids sing in creepy voices in scary movies haha
To improve, I would look at the rhyme scheme here. I’m totally not biased towards poems that rhyme or ones that don’t, but the inconsistency of the rhyming here really threw off my flow when I was reading it. There’s a couple of instances where we have rhyming couplets but then they first exist at the end of four lines and then at the end of three. I found to begin with I was spending more time trying to come to grips with the flow than I was enjoying the actual writing.
Having this tagged as lyrics works well for me trying to visualise it - I’d love to hear what you think it should sound like!
Icy
I haven%u2019t really thought about the sound, but like you said-Something akin to a nursery rhyme but more unsettling at the edges. Like something bad is about to happen, because Laughing Jack is a clown who leads often young children into a false sense of security before hurting them.
So glad you enjoyed!
Hi there it’s Coffee here to drop a short and concise review!
Let’s dive in!!
Firstly, love how short yet effective this was, it conveyed the essence and emotions needed as well as keeping it simple and to the point! The repetition certainly added a hint of depth to the piece and I love the works you’ve done inspired by CreepyPasta, they’re all soo good!! All the Laughing Jack ones tend to have a hint of fake joyfulness to them and a hint of horror and terrifying consequences to the characters futures and decisions, whether it be if they pick up a toy now or later or if they join a circus. I love it!
It starts off with just a light fog of tension and words to make the reader question whether they’ll end up with nightmares after the piece.
Then, it ends on a less cheerful note and makes you intrigued yet anxious and tense. It’s great! The gradual increase of tension really changes things up and it’s doesn’t reveal anything about the actual character, making the audience feel anticipation and read intently.
Since, this is so short, I don’t really have much to say, I apologise, this isn’t really a proper review but I can’t see anything wrong with this! It’s a creative piece and I definitely felt the tension and could see vivid images behind my eyes, it was so cool!
Thank you for sharing this and have a great day/night!! See you around!
Very glad you enjoyed! Laughing Jack is a clown who often tricks young children into trusting him before completely destroying him. He%u2019s a real monster.
Wow%u2026he sounds like a manipulative psycho. I just got chills down my spine.
That%u2019s exactly what he is!
:O