*This chapter is under my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Nina was created by Alegotic-twevel. Jeff was created by GameFuelTV. Enjoy!*
It was time for bed, dinner was over. Nina couldn’t sleep. So she looked out the window, staring at the pale moon.
The moon, which was pale like Jeff’s face. Jeff’s fine, perfect face, with his beautiful blood smile and striking blue eyes. He was just the epitome of perfe-
“Go to sleep.” A grating, yet oddly satisfying voice whispered.
Maybe it was her imag-
“Sleep.”
Nina smiled. It was him. She just knew that it was him.
Jeff the killer.
She knew that he cared! Her parents said that serial killers never cared, but she knew all along that they were wrong, because even monsters had hearts.
She closed her eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Good morning, Creeper!! I'm here to continue the Nina arc today!
Ooo, we get to here Jeff's iconic line in this one, always a nice touch! I feel like I can interpret this two ways—either Nina really is hearing Jeff, or it's something she's imagining, and either way, I have concerns for this poor girl...
No recommendations for change, so let's chat about some highlights!
I like how this voice comes off as basically disembodied, because it makes the whole thing feel a little more mysterious! Especially since Jeff is more of a slasher than a ghost, so it's not like a typical style for him. Is Jeff really there? Is Nina imagining him? Hm...
Nina, why are your parents this chill talking about serial killers with you?? @.@ Lol, that aside, "even monsters had hearts." What a line!
Overall, that was great! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Jeff is a slasher and he stays that way, but I also made him more of some undead person too.
Thx for reading!
Hey friend! I always love reading your fantastic stories, so I thought I would stop by and leave a review for this chapter of yours! Let's jump right into it.
To begin, one thing that you did on this chapter that I really liked was how you included details. Not just simple details, but extra ones that made the story more engaging. I like how you describe the moon as being pale. It really helps paint that image in my mind of where we are and what is happening. I can picture this girl, looking out her window and seeing this pale moon in the distance. It also adds a lot of emotion to, and helps me understand a bit of how she is feeling, because I can reflect on times my own life when I have done similar things, or what I have seen in movies or books.
Reading this makes me so happy, because I love to see the progression of your writing, and how you improve every single time! I love how you cut off these words to show how her thoughts are being cut off by hearing these voices. Amazing work with this!
This chapter has a very scary ending with her seeing the serial killer. But at the same time, I love how you add these elements of compassion and desire in it. She knows that he is a bad person and does bad things, but it seems like she might even be inclined to be his friend or know him, or let him in. She believes that he still has a heart, but he has the ability to feel things. I'm very interested to learn more about this killer, and what he's going to do to her. I wonder if her closing her eyes is her accepting her fate, or perhaps, trying to ignore what's going on. Either way, I'm excited to see more! Nice chapter, have a good day and keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well it looks like after a long time of waiting and hoping and supporting Nina has finally caught the attention of the killer that she seeks so much. For now at least things seem okay.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Oh this is interesting. Looks like Nina is just having a bit of a daydream when someone is whispering in quite the strange manner there to go to sleep. It definitely sounds a little suspicious to say the least.
Oooh well looks like she's got her wish at last. It will be interesting to see how that's going to develop as we continue on and for now it would seem that things are going surprisingly as well as Nina hoped. Certainly doesn't appear to have any murderous things about to go down at least.
Oh boy that seems like a dangerous thing to do, actually obeying Jeff the Killer's command when Nina is so much at their mercy but you do have to feel for her as well because it does seem at least in the moment like her thoughts about killer's having a bit of care aren't wrong there.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall another intriguing little addition to the story of Nina. Looks like she has found the comfort she wants but given it is Jeff the killer plenty of tension still lingers in the background.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate