*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1275. These characters are not my OCs, except for this girl named Ash, whose name is not mentioned. But she’s in this fanfic and those connected to this. The Jeff the Killer in this story is based off the one GameFuelTV made, the one that’s popular. You are welcome to look up “Creepypasta” and “Jeff the Killer” if you want to learn more and if you like internet horror. Anyway, enjoy*
Jeff looked down at the piece of paper and found that it was not merely a piece of paper, but a card. A Garbage Pail Kids card, with a drawing of a little red-haired boy sticking his hands into his own head, titled Handy Randy.
“That one is my favorite because he has my name and he kind of looks like me, except I don’t have green eyes.”
He looked up. Randy wasn’t smiling anymore, but shaking his head like he was disappointed. The others did not seem to notice, engaged in mindless chatter with one another.
“Okay? And? What am I supposed to do with this card?”
Randy feigned horror, placing a hand over his heart, his blue eyes wide with mock shock.
“Jeff, I bestowed this gracious gift from an act of friendship. You’re supposed to cherish it.”
Jeff looked down at the card again and found that written on the bottom of the card, in very faint pencil, was a phone number.
“Is this your number?”
“Who else’s would it be? It’d be nice of you to save it, but who knows? Maybe you’re not nice.”
The bell rang and Randy waved goodbye at Jeff with a smile. The latter could only watch in disbelief as he and the others got up to leave.
What the heck just happened?
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Garbage Pail Kids was a real thing in the 80s and Handy Randy was a real card. This takes place in 2003.
These fanfics connect to this!:
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@lovelydove mayhaps you might be intrigued into reading this?
i'll look into it!
Hello!
This feels a little repetitive because "piece of paper" appears twice and a card is still fairly close to what Jeff initially thought he was holding. I think you could make the discovery feel more natural by saying that he turned it over or looked at it properly and realised it was a Garbage Pail Kids card.
This is cute and tells us quite a lot about Randy immediately. He seems a little childish, but he is also sincere about wanting to share something he likes with Jeff. The detail about the eyes is especially nice because it shows that he’s thought carefully about the resemblance.
It might be worth splitting the sentence slightly to make his voice feel more natural. At the moment he gives all the information in one breath, though that could suit him if he tends to ramble.
"Mindless chatter" sounds judgemental unless that reflects Jeff’s opinion of them. If we’re closely following Jeff’s perspective then it can work, but I’d perhaps give us one example of what they’re talking about instead. That would make the surrounding group feel present without distracting from Jeff and Randy. I’d also like to know who "the others" are for this reason. Even if they’ve appeared earlier, a quick reminder such as classmates or the rest of their table would help ground the scene.
This is a nice ending because it captures how completely Randy has thrown Jeff off balance. I think it could be even stronger if we understood exactly what Jeff is confused by. Is he surprised that Randy gave him his number, unsure whether Randy was flirting with him or simply baffled by his personality? I can't get a read.
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I am curious whether Jeff saves the number and whether Randy acts as though the whole exchange meant nothing the next time they see each other. He seems exactly like the sort of person who would pretend not to care while watching Jeff very closely!
Randy comes through very clearly here, as well. Jeff is less developed in this, though that may be intentional if the scene is mostly about Randy catching him off guard. At the moment his main reactions are confusion, disbelief and a fairly blunt question about the card. I wish for a few more details showing what he thinks of Randy before the number is revealed. That would help your readers understand why this moment matters to him beyond simply confusion.
Thanks for sharing this, cheers!
Lipton
Jeff does not know what to think of Randy’s actions because he never had someone try to really talk to him before. I do talk about Jeff more in other fanfics, like the ones I linked above. Yes, he does save the number.
Thx for reading!
Morning!
I feel like starting with a long repetition of “piece of paper” might not be the best for this one? 😊 Hmm you might have wanted a different way to introduce the card? The issue is that he at first thought it was something unimportant but that the card is at least piquing his interest, right?
Ohh what a description! “a little red-haired boy sticking his hands into his own head“
Love Randy’s reaction to Jeff’s casual disinterest!
In general, I really like his dialogue here!
Hmm I feel like to make this feel more complete it might have worked better if you started with a short recap to set the scene properly? To give context into why Randy gives him this card? Other than that, this is neat :3
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