Hai :3

This is so chilling but in the best way possible!! You’ve got this eerie, playful vibe nailed down so perfectly, and I can see the character grinning as they talk to Sally, trying to play the long game with her!! The details you added, like the maggots and blood in the teeth, and the way they change their appearance slightly to appeal to kids is so creepy!! It’s like they’re this barely-contained nightmare just waiting for the right moment. I can’t stop thinking about the way the tension builds!!

Can we go now?

This is so heartbreaking !!!

She’s so excited, and we know she’s walking right into a trap!! The way you write Sally is so spot-on ~~ Like, she’s got that innocent, trusting energy that makes the situation even more unsettling because she has no idea what’s really going on. I'm not familiar with the characters, but I'm assuming that this childish nature is a part of her character. It's almost tragic in a way!! I love the situational irony of being aware of the situation, while she has no clue. She's just a kid, you know?

I love the little nods to how Laughing Jack thinks too, like this twisted sense of patience, waiting to grab her, but playing it cool for now. The way you’ve written their thoughts, especially about kids not knowing better and the casual, matter-of-fact tone they take when thinking about using Sally’s skin as a snack is so bone-chilling. It's perfect for the character!! It gives this sense of nonchalance that makes them even scarier because it’s just normal to them. That's such a realization!!

^^^ Just a thought: the only thing I might suggest is to dive even more into Laughing Jack's internal monologue. The way they observe Sally and think about the process of getting close to her could be even more fleshed out, almost like they’re relishing every second of the manipulation. Maybe you could throw in something where they’re mentally patting themselves on the back for being so patient!! I could imagine that would be fitting for how they act. I can see something like that!!

Her skin will make a nice snack.

Can we just talk about this for a second? Woah!!

It’s so jarring but also fits perfectly with the buildup!! It leaves this sick, lingering feeling, and I can’t stop thinking about how well it ties everything together. This whole thing has such a strong, cohesive tone ~~ Like, a mix of playful and horrific, which is exactly what makes it so unsettling and compelling!! I'm obsessed with how you write horror, especially with the characterization like this!! Amazing work!! <3

- Payton

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well this was a bit of a horrifying combo but at the same time a pretty interesting conversation indeed. You can see the lengths that Laughing Jack will go in order to get what he wants done and how much he has hatred in his heart.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

“Hey kiddo. Can I ask you a question?” I ask.

It’s sometime in the afternoon. I’ve gotten back from a few of my murders and I showed up just in time for one of Sally’s tea parties, which is with me, her teddy bear named Charlie, and a few Barbies. Her room is painted pink, filled to the brim with the little girl toys of today.

Sally herself is a little girl with big, green eyes and red-brown hair. She wears pastel colors, but her favorite color is pink.

For being such a “Princess pink” little kid, she loves me for some reason. But then, she’s only three. Kids don’t know any better. They never do.

Well looks like Sally has been taking in pretty good by Laughing Jack and is none the wiser to his more murderous tendencies. At any rate a little bit of tension there to start with.

“Okay!” Sally beams in the nasally, barely discernible voice that all small children have. Humans think that it’s cute, but it hurts my ears and gives me a headache.

I think that means a yes, so I’ll proceed:

“Would you like to visit my carnival one day? There’s so much treats for you to eat! There are other kids for you to play with, and there are no adults. No adults means that there are no rules. So, would you like to go?”

Well you can see Laughing Jack's hate coming out already from simply just the sound of the poor kid's voice there. Looks like he's moving to get her to a murder spot as quickly as possible here.

I wish that I could grab her by her wrist and snatch her myself, but these kind of things take time. I’m still only just getting to know her. I have to talk to the kid more in order to get an idea of her personality.

“Yeah! Can we go now?” Sally asks, her eyes wide with excitement.

I shake my head, a grin of my very own creeping up on my face. When I’m just getting to know kids, I make sure to tone down my appearance a bit. I make the maggots and blood in my teeth disappear, and I get rid of the rips and tears on my costume. I change my voice to sound more “pleasant” but that only lasts as long as the first day, because then my real voice starts to come out. My black and white colors stay. My claws and sharp teeth stay. I can change myself a little bit, but not much. I’ll never get the old me back.

Well looks like Laughing Jack is well into his deception there ready to get this unsuspecting kid to trust him. He certainly seems to put a lot of effort into his craft as horrifying as that happens to be.

That’s alright, though. I always teach the kiddos to never judge a book by its cover!

“I’m afraid not. You’re going to have to wait until I get to know you more. But we’ll go soon. I promise.” I say, placing a claw on her hand across from the table.

Sally beams, and then I grab both of her hands and spin her around in the air. She’s laughing, I’m laughing, and when I stop spinning her around and scoop her into my arms, I can’t help but think:

Her skin will make a nice snack.

Oh boy well that is a properly horrifying end to that conversation but you can't expect much else from Laughing Jack and his horrifying ways. Definitely going to end up with much pain I'm sure.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think you've done a wonderful job really capturing the essence of how Laughing Jack tricks his victims there and the amount of effort that he does put in order to capture them and ensure they fall into his traps.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate