*This is a Creepypasta fanfic with the main character being Nina the killer. Nina was created by Alegotic-twevel. Jeff Woods was created by GameFuelTv. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
They had finally arrived at the new house, with its rich exterior and manicured lawn.
The new house which Nina absolutely despised with every fiber of her being. There was no way she’d live in that stuck up house, no way that she would-
“You can do it.” Zoe whispered.
Nina turned to her left to face Zoe, who was standing right next to her. The rest of her family was already in the house, but she was still uncomfortable with going in.
She didn’t have to turn to the right to face Sienna, because she knew that it was her holding her hand.
Zoe and Sienna were her best friends since elementary school. They always stood up for her. They didn’t think she was weird. They stuck around. They actually called. She had other “friends”, but they never really seemed to care for her. They were always talking to each other, ignoring her, as if she were a ghost.
But they cared. Her two best friends. Her two real friends.
When she saw that their houses burned down on the news, her whole world broke. She would be all alone. She would have no friends.
Nina still had them. They were ghosts, but every once in a while, they appeared in the real world. Most of her spare time was used to watch Jeff the killer cosplay videos on YouTube. Sometimes she listened to the ASMRS and actually spoke to the Jeff voice. It was comforting to speak to someone.
“I don’t want to live here. I don’t want to make new friends. I don’t want to forget you guys.” Nina said, eyes brimming with tears. Great, she was going to cry. Like a little girl, she was going to cry.
“You won’t forget us. We’ll visit you when we can.” Zoe said.
“Why can’t you stay with me forever?”
“Being dead is hard, Nina. We can’t always be in the real world. It would mess with our souls. If it didn’t, then we would visit more often, believe me.” Sienna said. Sienna was soft-spoken even in death and only spoke when the moment called for it.
She wasn’t strong like Jeff, but Nina still liked her.
“What do you mean? Why does it mess with you?” Nina asked. She didn’t understand how it would mess with them, but she wanted to. She wanted to understand what it was like to be ghosts, to linger halfway in worlds. She wanted to understand their struggle.
Most importantly, she wanted to know why their homes burned down. The oven wasn’t on. Nothing in the kitchen was on. No one lit a match. It was as if their houses just spontaneously combusted.
Nina believed that someone else was responsible to their deaths. She tried asking them about it, but they got that look on their faces and would change the subject.
“We’ll tell you later.” Zoe said.
“Later? What do you mean, “later”? I want to know now! Why can’t you be with me more often? How did your houses burn? Did someone kill you?”
“Don’t worry about us. We’re alright. We just want you to be okay.” Sienna smiled softly. Zoe nodded eagerly in agreement.
They were already beginning to fade away. It was no use just standing there.
Might as well go inside.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
What I read about Nina on the fandom website was that she was sane until “the two best friends died”. I didn’t see anything about her friends, right down to their names, so I made this story.
Hello, My Friend!
Hello again!! Continuing the Nina arc, let's check out Part II here!
To start, ooo, here we get to see Nina settling into her new home! Better yet, we get to learn more about Zoe and Sienna! I can't say I'm completely surprised by some of these revelations, but they did catch me off guard, and I am loving the lore already!
For technicalities, once again, no recommendations for change! I really is harder to nitpick these smaller pieces lol. But for highlights, naturally, I always have a few!
The irony of Nina feeling like the ghost in this situation lol...But it was very nice to learn more about how far back this group of friends goes! I don't remember Nina's og story too good, so I don't know if they're OCs or not, but I do like how you're writing them here either way!
Woah!! The reveal of their ghostly nature with that "being dead is hard" line, that caught me by surprise! But also, I just love Sienna already, the poor timid thing sounds like such a sweetheart ^^
OOOO, what a mysterious and sinister bit of lore...I am already excited to learn more about this mystery!!
Overall, that was a super cool way to elaborate on Zoe and Sienna here! I think I'm gonna read one more of these before logging off for the night, so stay tuned for a second review lol. Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thx! I read somewhere on Nina%u2019s wiki page that %u201CShe was normal until the two best friends died%u201D but I never heard about Nina having any friends, so I gave her friends! Zoe and Sienna are my OCs!!
Ooo, very cool!!
Hello Hello, I hope you dont me popping in with a quick review. I hope my thoughts could brighten your day as I free this work from the green room. With all that preface out of the way, I should start the review properly. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall this is an interesting world you've built around Nina's preexisting lore. Despite knowing she will kill at one point you do a great job making her easy to root for. I think a lot of Writers can relate to the feeling of being an outcast and not having too many friends. Not only that but to lose them in such a tragic way must have been heartbreaking. Although a part of me thinks her beloved Jeff The killer might have had a hand in it.
There was one more thing that caught my eye. The idea of those friends lingering around like ghosts but their existence messing with their souls. I know that this sort of stuff has appeared in your other works but there's a layer of uncertainty here. We know that she has heard voices before so are they real ghosts or not that is the question.
Now I think it's time to move on to good old feedback. As always I am not a professional nor do you have to use anything I say. You are the author after all!
This line works well I feel you could streamline it to make it more effective as a hook. Please do keep in mind this is very nitpicky.
Furthermore, I have one small line that I feel could be altered a little bit.
In my opinion, the wording toward the end comes off as a little odd. I would change it just the slightest into something like this.
[quote]It was as if their houses just spontaneously combusted.[/quotte]
Regardless I think this was pretty well done and fills in some of the gaps I had in this story. I love how you took the time to flesh out Nina's friends. All in all, I wish you luck in your reviews this month. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
So glad you enjoyed!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
Well a lovely beginning to this tale. You can already see plenty of signs of what's about to come here and I really love the amount of detail you managed to sneak in there for foreshadowing.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well looks like we're already faced with quite a tough decision when it comes to actually entering this house. Love how its lining itself up as almost something of a fight from the looks of it.
Well looks interesting there. Given this world you can never tell if maybe there's an actual ghost situation involved in things so seeing her able to still have some people to call friends is quite beautiful.
Oooh interesting. Well this is tying into the lore in that direction it would seem. Now her name that you mentioned in your author's note is really starting to come to life here. Love this little reveal of sorts.
Well looks like we have a reverse death situation going on as it now fully reveals itself and I'm very intrigued to see a conversation of this type where the dead actually talk about having a few difficulties being there. It established a few things about how this world works.
Well looks like their houses were definitely not burnt under any kind of normal circumstances no were they really burnt down by a normal human arsonist either from the looks of it.
Well look like somehow Nina is the one being left in the dark there and the two of them don't want to say anything. I get the feeling Nina is really being driven a little bit to the edge as a result of that.
Well looks like Nina's going to be alone again for a little bit, or at least until her friends manage to come back to help her out a little. Things really taking a few turns there at the end.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall I think quite nicely done there. Really captures how Nina feels there and gives us some nice solid evidence there for exactly what ends up turning Nina towards this particular side there.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate