*This fanfic thing is under my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. The character in question is “Laughing Jack” who was created by Snuffbomb for the Creepypasta fandom. He is a 200+ living killer clown doll that is 7-8 feet tall. He also mentions Zalgo, the supposed “ruler” of all Creepypastas in this fanfic and Zalgo was created by Dave Kelley for the Creepypasta fandom. This is my AU, so it is not factual. Due to the character being evil, there will be some violence mentioned in this story and mild cursing. I’ve attempted to be a little humorous but I don’t know if I did that well. Please let me know. I hope you enjoy this, this isn’t one of my serious fics.*

Salutations, conscious corpses! Tis’ I, Laughing Jack. I’ve come to express my grievances with the Creepypasta lot.

Whoever thought that I liked eating sweets? Yes, I do give candy to children (and a few adults), but that does not mean that I like to eat candy.

I don’t even eat children. I can’t eat, I don’t have any digestive organs. I’m a living stuffed clown doll. There’s white stuffing inside of me and that’s it.

Even if I could eat, I would not want to eat candy or children. Why?

Well, candy is diabetes. Do you all know what diabetes is, or did you all skip First Grade? Do I have to teach you humans everything?

If I must, then I will.

Diabetes. How do you spell it? D-I-A-B-E-T-E-S. Sound it out with me. DIE-A-BEE-TEES. Good job! Three cheers for the Neanderthal!

Now, what happens when you get diabetes? You can get excessive thirst or urination (disgusting!), weight loss (deplorable!), fatigue (Come now, really?), and blurred vision (you’ll be blind!)

I may commit murder, but I do not support diabetes. Diabetes is a cheap and pitiful way to die. I don’t even poison my candy. That’s right, there’s no poison in my candy. Shocking, right? My “special, magical candy” is just like any store bought candy, except it doesn’t have a brand.

Why don’t I poison it, you ask? Because the regular components in candy alone is enough to kill someone. Bloody humans! Shoving their pig faces full of colored crap!

Oh, but now you want to know why I don’t eat children. It’s simple. Children are repellent. Children are even worse than candy. Most children eat junk food, and that junk food in their body, combined with the baby fat they have, is a recipe for a lifetime of incurable diseases! For Zalgo’s sake, I kill children! Why on Earth would I want to eat them?

I’m immune to sickness, yes. But the repugnant feeling would still be there inside of me, like the feeling a person would get on a long road trip after eating breakfast and not brushing their teeth for hours.

So pretty please with blood on top, could you not write stories where I eat candy or children? I don’t eat any of those things and I find it offensive that you think I do.

Thank you for your time. Hopefully I do not find anything else to be bothered with. Wish me luck.