Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*This fanfic song/poem is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb. What I wrote here is a reference to LJ’s origin story, with the lyric/line starting with “Pop” referencing the song “Pop goes the weasel” as that is his theme song (there’s actually a Laughing Jack version out on YouTube), it references how he unalives people (tears them apart with his claws), and it references also how many humans understandably do not like him and how I feel like in 2020 and even a little bit now, a lot of the other Creepypasta characters are made to either hate him or make fun of him. Not all, but quite a few. It’s also just how I interpret him to feel and for his personality to be. Anyway, enough of this rambling and let’s get to what I wrote! I hope you enjoy!*
With twisted black claws, he reaches towards a lost soul
His own eyes cry out, searching for a friend
The children, they scream and cry
The adults, they deem him a demon
But he couldn’t help his own darkness
Creeping through the threads
Lingering in the corners
In the painted grin was a set of jagged teeth
Bleeding with the blood of those who dared to yell
Not even the monsters like him
A broken soul, turned lifeless
Once full of light
He’s just like a child
Innocent and sweet
Until left behind
It’s maddening, how he searches
Searches for a friend
Snuffs out the innocence
Breaks the baby fat
The children lay gaunt, skin and bones
He laughs through it all, it’s all he can do
His makeup is his face
Without it, he’s nothing
He doesn’t want to love them
How can he?
Humanity failed him
Pop goes their pitiful desires
They’re running around, asking him for more
It never ends, he’s just their toy
Until he’s not
Until he’s evil
Until all shrink away
The pathetic humans
The slice and dice killers
They all shrink away
His smile unsettles them
His laugh has an unhealthy note
His candy is tainted
But who’s to blame Laughing Jack?
All he wanted was a best friend
And he couldn’t even get THAT
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Vamp!! Hope you're doing well this Review Day. I spotted this piece in the Green Room, and you had me at "Laughing Jack poetry" lol! And yes, I know it's out-of-order from the other fanfics, but I couldn't resist ^^
Ooo, what a perfect poem to encapsulate Laughing Jack's lore! I like how one moment, it's easy to empathize with him, the twisted being who is just searching for some form of company. Then the next, things take an eerie twist and we see the darker side of this cryptid...
As far as a technical review goes, I have no recommendations to make! This poem rocks!
Favorite parts, ooo...I'll have to go with:
I thought this was a nice verse that really captured the essence of the poem—the seemingly endless cycle of Jack reaching out, then being left behind.
Another great part! I love the first line, how it's reminiscent of "pop goes the weasel" (fitting for a clown character). You can get a feel for his frustration here as well, being treated like a toy by humanity.
Overall, that was another great poem to add to your collection! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Thank you so much!
This is a really interesting poem. While I'm not familiar with your world building or characters, I can still relate to the poem. "He’s just like a child/Innocent and sweet/Until left behind/It’s maddening/how he searches/Searches for a friend." This stanza is a classic point for a villian origin story, both in fiction and real life. As someone who often struggled to make friends even amoung others who society rejected, I can understand where Laughing Jack is coming from.
One suggestion for the future is to write more about his emotions. We know that Laughing Jack is upset about soicetal rejection, but more imagery to show from his perspective what he's feeling would be beneficial. We know how he views others, but it'd also be interesting to see through the poem how he views himself. Does society's views change his own self image? Do they strengthen it as he sees "pathetic humans"?
Overall, this is a great piece. One of my favorite stanza's is where you write: "The adults, they deem him a demon/But he couldn’t help his own darkness" and "Not even the monsters like him/A broken soul, turned lifeless/Once full of light. " The imagery in these stanza's is strong and contributes to the overall creepy tone of your poem.
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this! The character I%u2019ve written about is not my OC, but a character from the Creepypasta fandom.