*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Sally Dawn is a Creepypasta character created by La Mishi-Mishi, Laughing Jack is a Creepypasta character created by Snuffbomb, Sam Williams is a Creepypasta character created by CamyWilliams9. Enjoy!*
The older boy blinked at her, confused and a tad frightened, but then he said:
“Yes, sure, I’ll take action, but…but I don’t know what to do.”
Sally pressed a finger to her lips. That was fair enough. There wasn’t much that a human boy like him could do, but she could figure something out.
“For now, I want you to try and search for anything odd in this house, any gruesome entities and take pictures of them. Your parents aren’t going to want to leave unless there’s photographic evidence of danger, so take as many pictures as you can.” Sally said.
The boy’s lips curled into a frown and then he said:
“Photographic evidence?! You want me to take pictures of evil entities? How am I supposed to do that? Why can’t you just appear before them like you did for me?”
Hmm, that was a fair point. Sally was a bleeding ghost and if she appeared before his parents, they would certainly believe in the supernatural. But then, what if they lost their minds? What if they lost their minds they became incomprehensible?
Besides, Sally did not feel comfortable appearing before adults. Not for a long time, but maybe she could think about it.
“That’s a good idea, but you should take pictures just in case. Me appearing might not be enough and I don’t want to break their minds too much. Adults are much more fragile than kids. What’s your name?” Sally asked, because it’d be good to at least know his name.
“I’m Sam.” Sam said.
He looked like he wanted to say more, but Sally didn’t want to stay any longer, so she faded into the shadows, hoping that Sam would consider what she wanted him to do just like how she would consider appearing in front of his parents.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
These fanfics connect to this one!
An old friend returns
What is that?
A Clown?!
Sally and Laughing Jack have an interesting conversation
A car pulls up
Sally appears before the boy
Hello @creeperfeverdreams Detective Ira here, I have apparently stumbled upon your manuscript while searching for clues in the Devil’s Library, which is where I believe the ancient magical book of Toramu is hidden. Since I’m already here, I shall give my opinion on this piece of yours.
Though I have to say it is very strange that I should find your writing here……. hmmm…..
What I can see
Well this was certainly a very interesting piece! I have to say I really liked the way you have written Sally and all the italics. It adds such a realistic quality to her voice and I'm always someone who loves making text italics to add emphasis. So I really relished reading this piece of yours.
Though short you have made this surprisingly informative and it really hooks in the reader from the beginning. Instantly I am intrigued. Sam is being asked to take action. What action? Why? What can he do that Sally can't? I can tell that Sam and his family are perhaps living in a haunted mansion and Sally wants them to leave.
Or maybe Sally is trying to protect them from a more sinister evil by using Sam's help to make his parents leave. I also like the fact that Sally isn't dismissive of Sam, she talks to him like an equal and gives his concerns and idea's due consideration instead of tying to make him bend to his will. Really nice touch. Also makes me think Sally must be around Sam's age, since she isn't comfortable around adults.
Now this, this was very interesting. Children having more open more flexible minds is something I've come across before (reminded me a little of Boss Baby XD) and I'm interested to see how this plays out here. It adds another layer of difficulty lets say, an obstacle of sorts that really elevates the plot.
Under the magnifying glass
There are no mistakes….. O.O
This is very strange and needs investigation immediately, the Book of Toramu calls, find within the perfect novels the clues. Piece together the tales, find where the ship sails.... what was the rest of it....?I can find nothing to critique, Great Job!!
Closing the case
Overall I really enjoyed reading this piece of yours!
It was lovely going through this manuscript of yours. Everything expressed was my opinion, feel free to accept or reject whatever you want.
If you have any clues relating to the book of Toramu or anything you want to clarify feel free to contact my
alias, ahem, my dear friend @canopy.Until next time!!
—Hercule Poirot, “The Murdertime Murders,” by Agatha Christie
I am glad you enjoyed this! Sally is a child, but she died at the age of eight and Sam is fifteen. However, it%u2019s been a long time since she actually died, so she has the mind of a preteen. She does not trust adults because an adult had killed her and her own parents didn%u2019t really help much.
^v^
I see, thanks for the clarification!
Yw!
Okay, I can see now that reading them in order will probably work wonders for readability… That said, you are still publishing them not at the same time, so any reminder would really ease on into these stories. Like, I am so lost in the beginning of this chapter and with just a tiny bit more care, that wouldn’t have to be 😊
A description of the scenery, a reminder what they were talking about before, just to get us back into the swing of things.
But it sounds like Sally might get help in her predicament. Is that the boy she wanted so badly to talk to and was afraid he would be scared of her?
Yes!
I'm rly invested in that plotline. I think Sally is also one of my favs of your characters
Ohhh Sally is not my character. She was created by somebody called La Mishi Mishi for the Creepypasta fandom. This is my interpretation of her.
I%u2019m glad you like her though! Some ppl choose to make her like the baby of the fandom because she%u2019s a kid but I personally don%u2019t think that works for her. Some also make her very ridiculously evil which doesn%u2019t vibe with me. I kind of want her to be morally gray. I hope that comes across.
Gotcha, then let's call her one of my favs of those you write about?
Yeah!