*This fanfic is under my folder “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=240. This is my interpretation of the Creepypasta character, Laughing Jill. Everyone else are my OCs. I have written more fanfics with Abby and Laughing Jill, but I haven’t posted them. I want to though and I will get to doing so! Now, enough of that. Enjoy!*
“Abby, care to tell us why you brought a wooden Jack-in-the-box toy to our conference meeting? Is this a new prop?” Ms. Mallow asked, narrowing her eyes at the young woman.
Abby swallowed back her unease. She was a grown woman, there was no need to worry about anything anymore. Not only that, she was a scare actor. She was supposed to cause fear, not feel it.
Abby and the others were having their annual conference meeting about how to turn Magicland into Terrorland. Every October, there was a new theme.
Inside of Abby’s Jack-in-the-box of a very special friend, someone who begged to come to the theme park.
“You’ll see what this does soon enough.” Abby said as she turned the crank on the box.
There was a soft, sweet melody, then nothing, and then-
“HOWDY, PARTNERS! WHY’S EVERYBODY GOT THE LONG FACE, HUH?”
Laughing Jill, standing up on the table in all of her black and white clown glory, was as loud as Abby remembered. Why, if Laughing Jill didn’t carry a bloody chainsaw, one would think that she was just like any other happy-go-lucky clown!
“What is this? Some kind of hologram? A trick? A-“
“I can assure you, career person, that I’m very real. The name’s Laughing Jill! I’m just a fun-loving gal who loves to give you humans a real scare! How about you, career person?” Laughing Jill asked, jumping out of the table and extending her hand for Ms. Mallow to shake.
Ms. Mallow took it, unsure of what to make of what was before her. Seeing that she wasn’t going to respond, Laughing Jill took it upon herself to speak, shaking her hand more aggressively than before:
“I’m hoping to land myself a job here at Terrorland. Don’t pay me, though. I don’t need money. Heck, I don’t even need this job! I just want to do it. Don’t tell anyone I’m magical, though. That’s a secret!” The words were delivered with a wink.
Ms. Mallow nodded dumbly, seeming to take in her words. Laughing Jill held on a while longer before she cartwheeled onto the table, nearly breaking it with her naturally 6’2 height and pointy heels, but when she stood up, Abby sighed in relief when Ms. Mallow declared with a grin, towards her clown friend:
“You’re in!”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Laughing Jill beamed, turning around to hug Abby so tightly it almost felt her lungs would burst.
“Thank you for everything, kiddo.” Laughing Jill whispered in her ear.
Abby nodded, saying not a word, paying no mind to the stares of Ms. Mallow and the other actors.
Abby felt that she should be saying those exact words to Laughing Jill, but nevertheless, she was grateful that her friend was happy.
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Hello!
Uhh, excuse me Ms Mallow, what is it to you? Abby can take whatever she wants into the meeting XD. I think where you say 'at the young woman,' you could include a description of Abby here.
I really like this part, especially the sentence 'Abby swallowed back her unease'
Since you started the previous paragraph with Abby, you could open this one differently. It's a bit too expository; you could weave what the meeting is about into the scene by having them discuss it before Ms Mallow questions the jack-in-the-box.
should be a comma, not a period. No, I am never going to stop pointing this out...
Omg, what an entrance! I love this. I can just hear Jill's voice right in my ears.
hmm i think this comes way too quick. You could create more suspense around Jill if she builds up to asking for a job, and maybe Ms Mallow says no, but Jill insists she doesn't want to be paid? It just tells her motivations all at once, which lessens the impact.
Ooh, nice ending. I like that Abby brought Jill in just to help her out. I mean, Jill would be the perfect addition to Terrorland. I just think the scene could be drawn out more if you focused on the dialogue and motivations more slowly, building tension around the meeting rather than throwing Jill right into the middle of it. But another great story, thank you, Creeper!
You’re welcome, I’m glad you like it!
Did you follow my Pinterest or was that a different person? Idk, I was just wondering.
never mind I just realized it was you lol. I’m gonna be annoying and ask…what do you think about the content? I haven’t posted in a while but I was wondering.
Thx for the follow!