*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=105. This is my AU of a Creepypasta character called “Jason the Toymaker” and his origin story. Enjoy!*
Jason opened up the tool and lowered it front of a wax doll, watching as Branwen’s soul floated towards the doll.
He’d have to tell someone. He couldn’t keep it a secret. It would boil up within him, just like when he was a child and trying to keep secrets from Amelia.
Amelia. She was the only one who would understand, the only one who he could be honest with. He had to tell her everything, right down to the beginning.
Jason took five long, deep breaths. He couldn’t hide it forever. Amelia was the only one he would ever love, he was certain of it.
He could do it. He could tell her.
It was okay.
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I liked how thoughtful this scene felt. It doesn't rely much on action, instead letting us look into Jason's thoughts. The line about secrets boiling up inside of him was my favorite because it gives a glimpse into his relationship with Amelia. I also thought the repeated references to her made it clear how much she really means to him.
One thing I wondered about was Brawen's soul entering the wax doll. It's an interesting image, but I felt it happened a bit too suddenly and wished there was more description. Also, I think the final lines:
-work well at showing him trying to reassure himself, though you could consider making it a bit unique to leave a stronger impression.
Overall, this felt like an emotionally meaningful scene, and I'm interested to learn about how Amelia reacts when Jason finally tells her.
Thx for reading!
I’ll let you know what happens when I make the fic!
Hia creeper! The honour of my final review of the day goes to you~
Hmm I think I would have liked a description of how the soul looks like and how Jason can see it moving here. I think that would really elevate the story ^^ Maybe you could use some really poignant adjectives for it too!
Hmmm I do like that Jason knows he can’t keep this secret—not because it has to come out but because of his own, personal failing. Kinda reminds me of the Poe story “The tell-tale heart”, only that Jason just preempts all of this. Maybe he thinks that confessing to Amelia will prevent the information going further?
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