Published July 23, 2026
*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=120. The main character is my AU of the Creepypasta character “Nina the killer” which can be googled. Chris is Nina’s canon little brother. Alyssa is my OC. Enjoy!*
Alyssa started crawling towards the thrown ouija board, Nina stayed put. She didn’t feel like moving.
“You can go summon Jeff once I get the stuff.”
“I don’t want to.”
“What?” Alyssa asked, incredulous. She held the ouija board and the planchette, her eyes looking like they somewhat glowed in the darkness.
“Did you not see what just happened? I don’t want to. I don’t think I want to do this again at all.”
“How-how could you say that? They need us! They need our loyalty! We can’t chicken out!”
Alyssa crawled back to Nina, an expression of disbelief on her face. Her black hair was wild around her face, the ends sticking out.
“I’ll help out later. Now I just…I just want to go home.” Nina said.
She got up from the ground, walking towards the door. She was so close, it’d only take seconds-
“You can’t leave.”
Alyssa’s hand was tight around her wrist. She wrung it away and Alyssa took hold of her again, so she stepped on Alyssa’s foot and ran.
Her wrist felt a little sore but it wouldn’t hurt long.
…………………………………………………………………..............................................................................
The branches of the trees swayed with the wind, rattling against one another like bones. Nina couldn’t see anything but what was illuminated in the light of her phone. She heard Alyssa calling out behind her, but if she went faster, then she wouldn’t hear her at all.
“You promise there will be candy?”
A little boy’s voice, echoing in the woods. There were shadows moving. Everything was shadows in the woods. A trick of light that her phone couldn’t catch.
A high-pitched scream broke off, jagged like a knife. Leaves crunched under her feet, Alyssa was still calling out for her-
And then it was quiet. She was in front of her house. Nina turned back behind her and saw a mass of trees. Nothing else.
She was tired. She needed to sleep. Her eyes already felt like they were ringed heavily by sleep. She was hearing voices. Why would a little boy be up so late?
A voice as innocent and curious as Chris’.
End of chapter
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These fanfic chapters connect to this:
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter One: Car Ride]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Two: New house, old friends]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Three: Dinner thoughts]
Two cursed young girls:Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Four: Sleep?]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Five: School]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Six: Odd individuals]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Seven: Creatures creeping]
Chapter Eight: Losses and lurkings (Part One) [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Chapter Nine] [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Chapter Nine: Back home) Nina Alexandria Hopkins
Two cursed young girls: Nina Alexandria Hopkins (part one) [Chapter Ten-Getting time to kill]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Chapter Eleven: A sleep like Hell) [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Nina Alexandria Hopkins] [Chapter Twelve: An invite from a friend]
Chapter Thirteen: Two cursed young girls (Part One) (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) (A call from the other side)
Hi creeper! Here again to review another work! <3
Hmm this feels like an incomplete sentence. Consider adding "While" or "When" at the beginning?
I had some difficulty understanding what this meant, or more specifically, what effect this had. Perhaps mention Alyssa crying out in pain. It may also help to use a stronger word than "stepped," such as "stomped."
Should be "they were" rather than "it was"
I always appreciate how it's fairly easy to understand what kind of state of mind your narrators are in. You're good at making that clear. Here I immediately gathered that Nina was frozen in fear, and a moment later she runs in fear, hurting her friend in order to protect herself and reach safety.
At the end of this chapter she reaches her house, but there's definitely this sense that she's not out of the woods yet (badum tshhh). We know she feels sleepy but she hasn't gone inside to sleep yet.
Maybe it's because the pacing is so fast, but it does feel like she got tired kinda outta nowhere. If I was really really afraid and running away, I don't think my mind would allow me to be sleepy until I was somewhere safe. It's totally legit that she feels safe right outside her house, and if that's the case, perhaps make that more clear? Have her relax her shoulders, take a deep exhale, etc.
Great job on this! There are some lovely descriptions on display here!
Wolfi <3
Allrighttt. I am excited to get back to Alyssa and Nina!
Poor Nina. She really didn't know what she was in for with that Ouija board! Though I'm surprised that she is the one who doesn't want to continue, since I thought she was friends with Jeff or he ahd told her stuff before? Maybe I am simply misremembering!
'She got up from the ground and walked towards the door' makes more sense with the tense you're writing in!
oo i wonder why Nina is suddenly so spooked now? Having second thoughts... very interesting for her character!
Oh no, is Alyssa going to sacrifice this kid to Jeff or one of the other creepypastas? Jesus that's dark if that's true! I think 'Shadows were moving' flows a bit better in the middle there.
OMG no, she's not going to kill Chris ???
I must read more to find out!
Next up, more Nina and Alyssa. Had to remind myself that this is indeed NOT Aeliana LOL
You could use narration to recap what just happened to help remind readers what just happened =DHmm I feel like this first sentence, needs a bit more explanation. Why is she crawling? Where are we? (I know where we are but still, it feels like you need to reset the scene once more if you post them in such tiny fragments. That’s the life you chose by not making the chapters longer. So just, add a little more context in the beginning and you can continue to keep them this short. 😊
Like f.e. here:
Hm given that Nina’s moniker will eventually be “the Killer” maybe she murders Alyssa and that’s her first real victim? Just a random thought…
That entire paragraph is really good!
That on the other hand makes it seem as if the “mass of trees” is new: And can you rly say “mass of trees”? It sounds kinda odd to me…
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