*This Creepypasta fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. The characters are from the Creepypasta “Jason the Toymaker” and were created by Krisantyl. I’m just taking stuff from Jason’s origin story and writing them in my own style, how I imagined they’d be. Gacha Club character designs are from my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
“May I please borrow your colored pencils?” Johnathan asked.
Jason sat right behind Amelia, watching closely as she gave her colored pencils away to Johnathan with a smile. It happened every day. Johnathan liked to ask Amelia for colored pencils, and he also liked to play games with her at recess.
Amelia smiled more with Johnathan. She laughed more with Johnathan. It was just like how she was with Lucy, too.
She liked her other friends, Johnathan and Lucy, better than him. There was no doubt about it. She would always give short answers to him when he told her about the toys he made, smiling politely and saying “That’s nice, Jason”. She didn’t actually care about him. He wasn’t fun to her.
Jason gripped his pencil tightly. In order for her to truly like him, he had to hurt her other friends. He had to make her focus on only him.
He knew exactly what to do.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Hello @creeperfeverdreams Detective Ira here, I have apparently stumbled upon your manuscript while searching for clues in the Devil’s Library, which is where I believe the ancient magical book of Toramu is hidden. Since I’m already here, I shall give my opinion on this piece of yours.
Though I have to say it is very strange that I should find your writing here……. hmmm…..
What I can see
ooooo this was ominous! You've portrayed the mindset and thought process of someone who is very obsessive and controlling very accurately. Of course it also speaks to the deep insecurity Jason must have, perhaps some past trouble with friendship and is now deeply insecure about his friendship with Lucy.
Perhaps what makes this ending so deeply unsettling is that Jason and Amelia seem to be pretty young, you've put the potentially darker side of friendship really well. The short sentences and line breaks really add a lovely dramatic and suspenseful touch to the entire work.
Under the magnifying glass
There are no mistakes….. O.O
This is very strange and needs investigation immediately, the Book of Toramu calls, find within the perfect novels the clues. Piece together the tales, find where the ship sails.... what was the rest of it....?I can find nothing to critique, Great Job!!
Closing the case
Overall this was a lovely, if chilling, story. Keep writing!
It was lovely going through this manuscript of yours. Everything expressed was my opinion, feel free to accept or reject whatever you want.
If you have any clues relating to the book of Toramu or anything you want to clarify feel free to contact my
alias, ahem, my dear friend @canopy. She also asked me to wish you a "Happy Review Day!" - I am assuming you know what this means.Until next time!!
—Philip Marlowe, “Death by a Thousand Beefthings,” by Raymond Chandler
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Vamp!! Here to follow up with the next installment in this Creepypasta arc, and leave a quick review!
OOO, here we travel back to Jason's past with Amelie, and what an ominous moment to zoom in on! Sounds like Jason's target is moving past that poor little canary, onto something...more ambition (00 ')
As far as recommendations go, I've got nothing! I thought this was a great, short piece to continue Jason's past arc!
As for my favorite part, I would have to say...
I really like how you zoomed in on the emotion of the moment, for Jason, and how he's interpreting these mundane gestures. Johnathan just asking for a colored pencil, perceiving Amelie's responded as "too short" toward him...It really shows that obsessive nature we know from Jason's character.
Overall, that was awesome! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Jason’s big move
After the crash and fall
These fanfics connect to this!
Ah, thanks for linking those!
You%u2019re welcome! :>
I don't know who these characters are, how old is Jason and Amelia? Why does Jason not want Amelia to be friends with Jonathan? Who is Lucy? Adding a few more paragraphs and some backstories would make this story so much better.
This is from the Creepypasta story %u201CJason the Toymaker%u201D which you can Google. These characters are eleven in this story. Jonathan and Lucy are Amelia%u2019s other friends whom Jason does not like. This, what I wrote right here, is a snippet of what I imagined him to be thinking when he watches them. I have other snippets of Jason%u2019s life and I can link them to you if you want me to share them with you.
Thanks for reading!