*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Nina Hopkins was created by Alegotic-twevel. This story not only mentions the Creepypasta “Jeff the killer”, but also references a gorey My Little Pony video called “Smile.hd” (don’t watch it). Since Creepypasta and Grimdark My Little Pony often get looped together, I decided to loop them together in this fic because what the heck? This fanfic is based off my AU for Nina. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
All Nina wanted to do was watch a My Little Pony video. That was all. She clicked on a video titled “Smile.hd”, thinking that it would be a normal My Little Pony video, and all she got was blood, gore, and death.
Nina was shaking, about to give Mom back the iPad that she had been gifted, but a video in her recommended caught her eye:
“Jeff the Killer Rewrite”
It showed a pale man in a white, bloody hoodie holding a knife, a smile carved on his face. Although the violence in “Smile.hd” scared her a bit, it also fascinated her. The fear that was building led her to want to know more, to want find out more about why Pinkie Pie would want to kill her friends.
So, like the curiosity that propelled Nina to watch “Smile.hd”, she clicked on the video of “Jeff the Killer Rewrite”.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hi there! I should compliment you for the chilly feeling you've been able to create with just a few sentences. From beginning to the end, the creepy feel you get felt kinda fun. I don't really read or watch any bloody stuff but these few sentences can instill a bit of fear for these things into anyone who can't really take it.
Thank you for the review!
I found this story very interesting I think you should describe Nina a little more, but it was really good also I am a gore lover, so I found that Nina had an interest in gore I was consumed by your work.
I am glad you enjoyed this!
Hi again! Icy back for another review this afternoon.
Couple of small thoughts on this one:
1. Perhaps put the titles in italics rather than in speech marks. I think it's a bit clearer that way, and separates it from the rest of the text.
2. I'd also think about whether the Jeff video would be capitalised differently (perhaps not because we know the internet has all manner of formats) - would it be 'Jeff the Killer Rewrite'?
3. How old is Nina? I feel like the watching My Little Pony and the way some of her thinking goes she seems quite young? But then there's a bit of a grasp on what she's doing, like heightened awareness that suggests she's maybe a bit older? Some of that context might be helpful when reading this one in isolation.
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
She%u2019s eleven years old.
Glad you enjoyed!