Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1155. This is a ship fanfic with Ben Drowned (created by Jadusable) and Lost Silver (creator unknown). Kyle is the human name I came up with for Lost Silver. They are fifteen years old. This is 2005. Anyway, enjoy and Happy Valoween!*
Ben and Kyle were walking home together after a long day at school. Even though neither said a word, Ben thought that it was nice to walk with his boyfriend out on the sidewalk, even if it was only for a little bit.
It would be nicer if he could come up with something to talk about, but Ben’s mind was completely blank. What could he say that would be worth conversation? He wanted to talk about Legend of Zelda, but he almost always talked about that and he knew that Kyle didn’t mind, but sometimes he wondered if he was being too much, if-
“Why do you grow your hair out?” Kyle suddenly asked.
Ben looked at Kyle’s big, brown, interested eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped. It was a simple question, but it meant so much more to him and he didn’t feel like talking about it, so, he pulled back his hair to show Kyle the reason why.
“Holy shit, Ben! That’s why you grow out your hair? You look just like Link! Like a living, breathing version of Link…why would you want to cover that up? It’s so cool!” Kyle cried out in excitement.
Ben felt blush creeping up his face at the compliment, his heart rising inside of him. He loved his ears, but they were so noticeable and so pointy, that the other kids at school would mock him for it and pull on the tips of his ears. Even though they were gone, sometimes, he still heard them calling him names, still felt the tug on his ears.
“I used to show it more because I would get compared to Link, but kids in Middle School used to make fun of me for it, so I grew my hair out. I still don’t really feel good with showing them.” Ben said.
Kyle looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. Ben hoped that he wouldn’t, because he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. But would he talk about instead? What-
“Hey, this looks interesting! I think we should go!” Ben said, walking up to a piece of paper on a street pole and pulling it down.
It read as:
“Calling all gaming nerds! Come over to Red’s Garage Gaming Club, in 1116 Mavenwood Street!”
“Ben, we don’t know who Red is. I don’t want to go to somebody’s random garage anyway.” Kyle said with a shake of his head.
“Okay, but it would be nice to have friends, right? I just feel like it’d be fun. You never know unless you try.” Ben beamed.
He knew that it sounded like something bad would happen, but maybe, there was the possibility of making new friends and Kyle couldn’t let his own fear of talking to people get to him.
“I don’t want to go. If you want to go, then do it. I don’t think you should, but do what you want.” Kyle sighed.
Why did he sound like that? Like he was upset with Ben? All he wanted was to play video games with others! There wasn’t anything wrong with that.
“It’s not that big of a deal! It’s just games! Being scared isn’t going to help you!” Ben yelled, throwing up his hands in the air before storming off to the address on the flyer.
If Kyle didn’t want to come, then fine. Ben would just go by himself.
………………………………………………………………….
Once Ben got to the garage, he knocked on the door, watching as it slid open to let him in.
Inside the garage were shelves of wires, controllers, and anime figurines. The ground was littered with crushed soda cans and deflated plastic bags of junk food, the strong scent of sweat in the air. When the garage door closed, there was the glow of purple led lights and the TV screen, illuminating the three young adults who sat on the falling-apart couch.
There were two women and one man. Ben thought that they would be teenagers, like him, but they had piercings and colorful hair, just like what he wanted, so they still seemed like cool people to hang out with.
“I…I’m here for the-“
“Yes, we know that! That’s why you came here, isn’t it? Now, go get a controller, uh…what’s your name?” The man asked.
“B-“
“No, don’t tell me. We call each other cooler names when we’re gaming together. I’m Red. This is Vomit,” he pointed to the woman on his left. “And this is Slasher,” he pointed to the woman on his right.
The man-Red-stared at him with intense, brown-green eyes, eyes so deep that Ben thought that he could feel his own skin melting away, but then, Vomit, pushing a strand of blue hair away from her purple eyeshadow eyes, cried out:
“His ears are pointed, see? You can kind of see the tips behind his hair! He looks like Link. We should call him Link.”
Ben hastily moved more of his hair in front of his ears, not realizing that the tips were sticking out. Did they really want to call him Link? Could he really be named after his favorite video game character? If Kyle were around, would they call him Shadow? Like Shadow the Hedgehog? That would be nice, to have Kyle with him. They looked like they have a million controllers and how much better would it be if they had an entire group of gamers with them, their own nerds to rely on?
The three of them muttered amongst themselves for a bit, but then, Red nodded as if approving it and he beckoned Ben to the couch, saying: “Grab a controller, Link!”
Ben turned to the shelf behind him and grabbed a white controller, then he sat next to Slasher and joined in what looked to be a Sonic game.
If only Kyle were around.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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@Ravena @Greyhound26 @bxmbii you might want to read this! :>
This same fanfic but in Kyle’s POV: It’s been a long day (Kyle’s POV)
More fanfics that connect to this:
It’s always better together
Fidget spinners and conversation winners
Shared moments in the basement
A familiar face
Back to school…Kyle?
Kyle is thinking…thinking about what?
Ben meets someone <333
It’s not so lonely after all
Ben gets a…a Valentine’s Day gift?!
Hey creeper! Incoming review!
Oh boy, I'm a little rusty with reviewing, but I wanted to help out and support some of your green room works. I'll start with what I think worked well.
I appreciate how down-to-earth this felt. Even with the more fantastical characters (I'm assuming, given that Kyle is a human name for the character you adapted) it focused more on the relationship between Ben and Kyle. I think it is easy to get caught up in developing lore or diving into a world and the mystical-ness of a world unlike earth that relationships get overlooked. At least for me, I care a lot more about character relationships than worldbuilding sometimes. I don't need to know why Ben has elf-like ears, I just need to know how it impacts his relationship with his boyfriend.
The thing I would suggest is to show more instead of telling. Here is an example:
I would have gotten more into the action of Ben trying to figure out something to talk about instead of bein in his head about it, if that makes sense. Something more along "His tongue was tied and the only knot to untangle it was to bring up a new video he saw about the Legend of Zelda." And then have Ben say it and let Kyle react. There is a thing a lot of writers get nervous about and that's putting in actual conflict because we worry about our characters being unlikable. But let Ben and Kyle bicker a little bit about how Kyle doesn't want to hear about the Legend of Zelda and he breaks the awkwardness of the encounter by asking Ben about his hair.
Another thing is that not every sentence of dialogue needs to be tagged with a new and unique tag. If we overuse new dialogue tags it can sound tacky. And don't worry if you think putting "said" will get boring, most readers filter that out. A rule of thumb I use is that if how the character says the sentence of behaves after it is important to their characterization, then I can use a special tag like "grunted" or "whispered". Of course this is somewhat stylistic and up to your interpretation of your characters!
But that's all I have for today, I hope it was useful. I can see so much improvement in your writing from the last time I reviewed you which feels like forever ago. Maybe you'll see me around again. Have a good day, byeeeeeeeee <3
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I’ve been told not to use said before so I’m kinda confused but I’ll keep that in mind.
Spoiler
Idk what is wrong with me today, I can’t seem to get my thoughts in order. Have my review instead. I just realized I read the first part but not this one during Review Day =D

I will keep mentioning the Dialogue Formatting thing every time there’s something wrong with it in your chapters. Remember, whenever you want to use a period, take a step back and think weather you actually need a comma instead. I swear it eventually becomes automatic when you are consistent with it. In the beginning it will take effort to get used to it tho.
Aww Ben’s internal monologue about maybe being too annoying with his hobbies is so relatable!
Ah there’s a word missing here: “Ben felt blush creeping up” Also, it generally is better if you are in the head of a person to describe the heat of the blush rather than the act itself since we don’t tend to look in the mirror as we’re blushing =D
“the other kids at school would mock him for it and pull on the tips of his ears” Why do I have flashbacks to that really old Star Trek movie where they travel back in time and Spock has to put a headband over his ears so they are less noticeable? XD
Lollll cooler names. Like Vomit. I love it xd
Hmm so far there is nothing too sinister going on in this garage. Hopefully that stays that way. Ignore all we know about Ben Drowned or anything ….