*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=120. The main character is Ben Drowned, who is not yet Ben Drowned, but 15 year old Ben Lawmen. This is a ship between the Creepypasta characters, which can be googled, Ben Drowned x Lost Silver. This is also my AU of them. Kyle Brown is the human name I chose for Lost Silver. They are both fifteen and the year is 2005. There’s another Creepypasta in here called Glitchy Red, but he’s just Red for now. Vomit and Slasher are my OCs. Anyway, enjoy!*
Kyle stood still, saying absolutely nothing. His arms were firmly against his sides as if he were a cardboard cutout.
Ben lightly touched his shoulder and pointed to the others, hoping that he’d be able to say something then. Kyle’s lips didn’t move, as if he didn’t notice it at all.
They were both in Red’s garage, along with Slasher and Vomit. The LED strip lights and the TV was the only source of light in the darkened garage. Ben knew that he’d get nervous, but not in front of the gamers. When would he snap out of it? What did Ben need to do to get him to speak? His heart raced as he thought about how they’d all want him to go away just because Kyle was being weird and-
“Open the door.” Kyle blurted out.
“Are you sure? We have all kinds of video games here, there might be something that you like.” Red said.
“Just open it!”
“Seriously? I told you before we got here that it would be fine. How many times do I have to tell you?”
Kyle looked at him with watery eyes before he ran out the open garage door, faster than Sonic in the games.
Ben sighed and rolled his eyes, “I don’t know what his problem is.”
He knew that Kyle got nervous to be around other people, but he never thought that Kyle would do something like that in front of the gamers. That was just embarrassing.
“It’s okay. We have you!” Vomit chimed.
Yes, Ben could go play video games with them…but what about Kyle? Should he chase after him? It’d be a while but Ben would find him, eventually. Maybe he could call Kyle and ask if he was okay. Hopefully he wasn’t overthinking all by himself.
He looked out at the open garage door, staring at the line of identical houses. Would Kyle be in one of them by then?
But he had Kyle’s number saved on his phone. He could call him later. Red wouldn’t let him stay at night. He didn’t come all that way for nothing.
“Yeah, that’s true. Save a spot for me!”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ben sat next to Vomit and Red on the couch. Slasher sat on the ground. The four of them were playing a game of Grand Theft Auto, Ben caught in the heat of pixelated violence.
Kyle would have had so much fun if he was actually there. If only he weren’t so scared.
“You ever wish you lived in a video game?” Red suddenly asked, turning to Ben.
“Oh yeah, all the time!”
“Which one? I’d like to live in Pokèmon Red.”
“Uhh…Majora’s Mask, I guess.”
Red looked at Ben as if he were completely insane before crying out:
“What do you mean, you guess?! You can’t just say that! It’s like you don’t-Do you care?”
“I do, it’s just-I’m not really thinking about that.”
He really wished that Red wasn’t talking to him while he was gaming, especially some nonsense about living in a video game. Sure, he dreamed about that kind of thing from time to time, but real life wasn’t Jumanji. He just wanted to play Grand Theft Auto.
“Oh. You’ll think about it soon.”
Well. He wasn’t going to ask Red to elaborate on that. He just didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
But by all means, Red being a little weird wasn’t going to stop him from hanging out with fellow gamers who just so happened to be in their twenties. It wasn’t every day Ben got to game with adults.
At least the only sounds were the game.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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@bxmbii @Greyhound26 @Tikaya you might want to read this
These fanfics connect to this:
Ben gets a…a Valentine’s Day gift?!
It’s not so lonely after all
Ben meets someone <333
Kyle is thinking…thinking about what?
Back to school…Kyle?
A familiar face
Fidget spinners and conversation winners
It’s always better together
It’s been a long day (Kyle’s POV)
It’s been a long day (Ben’s POV)
A day at the waterpark
You should come on over, it’s fun! [Ben’s POV]
You should come on over, it’s fun! [Kyle’s POV]
Hey creeper! I'm back with another review on your Ben and Kyle fanfic.
I appreciate how you can write from so many points of view without having to go into First Person point of view. I find it hard to write in third person limited, but you've got it down. All I know is what's happening in Ben's brain while you keep the narrator as third person. Great job!
I'm curious to see what Red has in store. I kind of feel like him asking Ben if he'd want to live in a videogame is foreshadowing for him banishing Ben or Kyle into one of them. Especially because he said he'd want to be in Pokemon Red and the main character you play as is canonically named Red, maybe he's actually from that videogame. That would be cool if you chose to write it like that. That gets me thinking, are Vomit and Slasher also from videogames?
One thing I would suggest is to make Red appear older in his speech. You described him and the others as adults and even if they're young, in Ben's POV being fifteen, he would see them as a lot older and mature than him. So when Red asked if he ever wanted to live in a videogame, it comes across as childish. Now you don't have to make him cuss every other word, but I would make him comment on the violence in the videogame and maybe say to himself that he wishes he could do all that with no consequences. Then it sounds more natural to ask Ben the former question.
But that's all I have for today. I enjoyed reading and hopefully you'll see me around again! Anyway byeeeeeeee
An eggcellently good day to you! I have come here for Team Egg so let’s see what you have for us now!
Ok are you trying to say that if Ben leaves NOW, Red wouldn’t let him stay anymore? Or are you really saying that Red wouldn’t let him stay anyway so he can look for Kyle later? Because both are kinda confusingly worded and… I am just a bit lost atm.Well then, the other POV then 😊
Or rather… a new story in this verse.
Okay I am rather lost and I cannot easily find the previous story in the folder. Why did they both decide to got to the garage again @.@
I so under stand Ben going “that was embarrassing” even if it is the wrong thing to do (he’s being a terrible bf) but at the same time, I feel impact is lost since you have so much dialogue without showing us what the characters are really doing. It’s… not very immersive atm ☹
Ofc future glitch red wants to be in pkm red XD
relatable!
Tho I feel the line about nonsense etc is a bit too on the nose given what will happen to this guy XD
Also Red winning the creepiness award this time around, huh? XD
#TrustTheEgg