*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Jason is a Creepypasta character created by Krisantyl. This is a moment from his origin story as interpreted by me. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Jason watched in the hallway corner as Amelia walked away from Johnathan, heading off to her next class.
He grinned widely when he saw that Johnathan was all alone. There was no hesitation, no doubt, in Jason’s mind.
He walked towards Johnathan, the thought bringing such excitement and joy in his veins. He was going to do it! He was really going to do it!
Once he made it, Jason’s hands pushed Johnathan’s back, and down the stairs he went.
He caught a glimpse of Johnathan’s panicked face before he ran off.
No one would believe Johnathan. As far as they were concerned, Jason was too weak, too shy, to do such a thing.
Served him right for talking to Amelia. Amelia was Jason’s only friend. He knew just how to make her happy, as he knew how to make his toys happy.
The only difference was that Amelia talked back…
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hi Vamp! Here to drop a quick review, it's me Raven, still following this saga that is Jason's past!
Ooo, what a chilling bite of horror! Jason finally making his move, killing Johnathan in such a tragic, despicable, yet discreet way!
As far as recommendations go, I have nothing! This looks great as-is!
For favorite moments, hmmm...I would have to go with:
I like how you made sure to include a glimpse of Jason's internal thinking in this moment. The fact that he has no care for Johnathan whatsoever really shows how disconnected he is from other people. As well as this...
THIS really made me wonder exactly how much of these actions are for Amelia, and not just Jason worrying about himself. about being alone, losing a friend—or, as is chillingly implied here, his favorite toy...And far from just this one little piece in the saga, your whole universe really makes me think about all the layers of Jason's character. What's genuine, what's manipulation, what's human and what's monster (and what makes either)?
Anyway, that's my ramble for the day lol. This was great, nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
I am so glad you enjoyed this!
Hi vampricone! Here to leave a short review for you using the YWS S'more Method.
I read some of the stories about Jason you have before this for a little context. From what I've read, Jason has established a friendship with Amelia, but has convinced himself that she does not pay enough attention to him, so he must get rid of her other friends. I suppose this is the story of his transition into a demonic being, which is actually very interesting. Anyway, let's talk about this story!
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Jason has no hesitance at all when he does any of this. He doesn't think twice about killing Amelia's friends, there's already this drive within him, maybe from his past or from this constant loneliness that does question the instinct to do something so horrible. The challenge here is to write in the perspective of an insane person, which I think you did well at stepping into his shoes and writing his words with his grasping on to all the reasoning that he can to say that doing this is fine.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
One thing I would say is you can dive deeper into details of this memory, especially in Jason's perspective. Did he see Johnathan at the bottom of the stairs, did he see him fall down, did he hear him scream, or was it silent? Even if it was all a blur and it felt surreal, more of these sensual details can add a lot of depth to the story, and make the reader more intrigued to his perspective of this scene, especially as the one pushing him down the stairs.
Also, this could be just me, but I think you could clarify the last line a bit more. It took me a second to realize what you meant was that Amelia talked back to Jason when they were friends, unlike the toys that were silent and were simply to his imagination to keep him company. I don't know, I just think you can rephrase it to be more clear that he is saying that Amelia is different as she is not an inanimate object who has feelings, which is a chilling realization.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
Like I said, it is not easy to reason the ideas of an insane person, but I think you did so splendidly. Most of this story is describing the thoughts that went through Jason's mind as he pushed Johnathan down the stairs, and how he told himself that was an okay thing to do. We can tell very well that really he just wants a true friend and to not be overshadowed by Johnathan, and maybe feels envious of the friendship they have. You relate this terrible deed to a very real and common emotion and feeling, which really conveys this idea out really well. We have sympathy for him, but also hate what is doing, making him a very conflicted and therefore interesting character and subject of the story.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this was an exciting short story, bringing out the perspective of the character, putting the reader into his shoes in an addition to his backstory. I hope you keep writing this series, I hope I can read and review more of it!
Keep writing!!!!!
- Ant
So glad you enjoyed!
Hi there, friend! It has been a while since I reviewed one of your lovely works, so lets get into it!
We starts off with Jason, he is in the hallway and watching what is going on around him. You use short phrases, but it seems to be setting up a scene to lead to a deeper plot and the rest of your story. He seems happy that Johnathan is alone...
I like this line because we see how sure he is about this... there must be a deeper reason or something bigger about to happen. As I keep reading, I get the impression that he is going to approach him and perhaps he has something important he needs to tell him, and that they need to be alone.
Yes I was right! I wonder what he is going to do...oh no... but this really took a turn. He pushed him down the stairs 0: oh nooooo! And it seems like he thought through this a lot, no one would assume that he would be capable of doing this... hmm.
Ah, so we realize it was because Johnathan was talking to Amelia. At first I thought that Jason was a good guy, but it seems like he is very jealous and cruel. I wonder if Johnathan survivied or is this was a murder. You end on an ominous note too and I love it! I look forward to reading more about these characters! Overall, this was short, just one scene, but I enjoyed it and loved how it all gets explained at the end. Great work!
Your friend,
Ellie
So very glad you enjoyed this!
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