Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*This final fanfic chapter is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta Stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb. Enjoy!*
Izora and Davorin followed Laughing Jack into a dark, ruined tent. There were no other children in sight, just the three of them.
“You’ve both been so wonderful and kind! In fact, I think that I want you to stay with me forever!” Laughing Jack beamed.
“What?” Izora asked. Davorin backed away, cold fear crawling in his body.
“That’s right!”
Both kids tried to run, but Laughing Jack was swift and quick. He picked them both up and slashed them apart, blood spewing throughout the canvas walls of the tent, scared little children screeching and screaming.
When he was done, he stuffed their dead bodies up with candy, all in good fun!
Never take sweets from the clown that Tricks-or-Treats, for death awaits little living meats.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hey vampricone! Dropping by to give you a final review on this short story. I will be using the YWS'mores method to help structure my review.
The Top Graham Cracker: Ahhhh, so this is the final chapter, huh? Time for it all to end... and we know it won't end well... but still, I can be just a little delulu and pray that little Izora and Davorin find a way out of this pickle. >_> right? riiight?
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow: I do agree with what Icy said about this line here:
It would've been interesting to see a bit more from the children, such as their emotions or their final thoughts. But on the other hand, it does leave it up to the reader to imagine their thoughts and emotions, which is also a good form of storytelling, and it does fit in with the way this story has been written so far. So either way, it's up to you! Maybe you can consider doing a longer-form version of this story someday.
The Melty Chocolate Bar What an ending! As I mentioned before, I'm not really huge on slasher fics or killer clowns, but this was still entertaining to read and definitely unsettling
My favorite lines were these:
The Bottom Graham Cracker: Overall, I thought this was an enjoyable Creepypasta! Definitely something you could share over a campfire without it being too wordy or too gory. I'm sure it would fit right in with some of these other Creepypastas I've read that kids seem to enjoy.
I hope this review was a bit helpful.
~Iggy
I%u2019m glad you%u2019ve enjoyed this! I might do a longer version of this someday now that I think about it, but idk. I%u2019ll let you know if I do!
Alright chapter three let's go! I definitely think you could blend this one with chapter two and it would be more balanced. Chapter one is much longer than the other two and it offsets the pacing in my opinion.
I think you could slow this bit down, show how they transition slowly from joy and happiness to the fear and realisation that they're trapped. I think that would build the tension well.
I know you probably wanted this to end on a rhyme but this one feels a bit forced. Maybe there are other options you could play around with. I like the style choice, I just don't think this particular line works.
Thanks for sharing!
Icy