*This Creepypasta fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta Stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Jeff was created by GameFuelTV, Liu was created by Vampirenote13. Now, I know that in Creepypasta lore, Liu is the older brother and not Jeff, but in my AU, Jeff is older than Liu. They are still twin brothers, though. This story takes place when they are children. Yes, Jeff is a Halloween fanatic in my AU. Why? Because it just seems right. Now, enjoy!*
“Are you done yet? I want to go out now!” Liu cried out, banging on Jeff’s door.
“Gith me one second, I’m purthing my fangs on.” Jeff said, his words slightly jumbled from the askew plastic fangs.
It was Halloween night, and twin brothers Jeff and Liu Woods were going out Trick-Or-Treating. They were both eight years old, but Liu acted like anyone who dressed up above the age of six was ridiculous.
Liu still liked to go Trick-or-Treating with Jeff, but he didn’t like to wear costumes anymore. Jeff still liked dressing up, and he made himself look as precise as possible. This year, he was a vampire.
“All done!” Jeff beamed, his words no longer odd sounding!
Liu opened the door and rolled his eyes.
“You always like to dress up as monsters. Are you going to do something different? Or are you going to be boring?” Liu asked.
The nerve he had to ask when his costumes were never cool to begin with!
Jeff squirted on more blood on his face, as one could never have too much blood, and said:
“Monsters are cool. Monsters have fangs and claws and they kill people!” Jeff said with a smile.
They could also be strong enough to kill their parents, but he’d never tell Liu that. He didn’t want to talk about it.
“You keep this up and you’ll end up married to a monster.” Liu said, shaking his head in disappointment.
Jeff ignored him and skipped down the stairs with his plastic orange pumpkin bucket. Though their parents never liked Jeff going out in his monster costumes, they never said anything because they liked to see him get out of the house. He knew because they seemed so much happier when he was about to leave.
That was okay though. Jeff still had Liu.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hey vampricone! Dropping by to give you a review. I will be using the YWS'mores method to help structure my review.
The Top Graham Cracker: I usually write the top graham cracker layer after reading the first few lines of the story, when I begin forming an understanding of what the story will be about and what I think might happen. I'm surprised to see that these boys are only eight years old and that Liu already thinks he's too grown to wear a costume! On the other hand, Jeff is super adorable. The mental image of him speaking around a mouthful of plastic fangs is soooo cute and relatable - we've all been there! I remember swallowing my saliva with a set of plastic teeth inside my mouth lol let's see what happens next.
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow:
Instead of saying that year, I would say this year, as it does not seem like the story is being told in a past-sense.
I think it would flow better if you reworked this sentence, particularly the emboldened part. Perhaps saying as one could never have "too much blood" or something similar.
The Melty Chocolate Bar It's really interesting to see what Jeff was like as a kid! I honestly never considered it before. Of course, it would make sense that he loves Halloween and likes to dress up as monsters. It would also make sense that he would start thinking about murder and death around this age. I just wonder what will happen to his poor brother, who I hope doesn't end up caught up in Jeff's path...
My favorite lines were these:
That line was very intriguing! Especially since I don't know much about Jeff and his lore. I wonder what he ends up doing to them... >_> <_<
The Bottom Graham Cracker: Overall, this was really good! Very lighthearted and a bit of a nice palate cleanser from some of the spookier things that you can come up with.
I hope this review was a bit helpful.
~Iggy
So glad you enjoyed!
Aha the origin of Jeff who I've seen get ready for Halloween as an adult and now as a child. It helps to know he's going to get a happy ending - providing the two stories aren't different AUs from each other?
I know you said you changed them from being older/younger to twins, but Liu still acts very much like the older brother to me.
I love this foreshadowing!
Thanks for sharing!
Icy
I am glad you enjoyed this!