*This is under my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. This is in honor of National Creepypasta Day on October 13th. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Izora and Davorin walked together in the Mildregde Farm, decorated for Halloween. The young children had Hallows Eve’ excitement bubbling in their veins. Izora was a witch and Davorin a vampire, the classic creatures of the night. The children were taken to the Mildregde Farm every year in the morning of October 31st, so they could “warm up” for the nightly Trick-or-Treating.
At the farm, there were Halloween decorations and various Halloween-themed activities, like Haunted Houses (but they were never scary houses), pumpkin carving (how fun!), and the corn maze (they almost got lost in it last year, so they wouldn’t do it again).
Izora and Davorin were only walking together, thinking of things to do, when a voice asked behind them:
“Do you want to have fun?”
It was the strange, high, raspy voice that only a clown could have. There were never any clowns in the farm, so what was with the voice?
Just to be sure, the children turned around.
Sitting on the wheelbarrow was a towering clown, whose ragged black hair hung over his glassy white eyes. The skin on his face was smooth, pure white, save for the black around his eyes, the markings going through them, and the black on his lips.
The clown’s nose wasn’t like any they had seen before. It wasn’t round or circular, but pointed, like a cone, and covered in black and white stripes. The entire clown was black and white stripes personified. His black claws hung over his legs, as his arms were propped on his knees.
The clown chuckled, noticing the kid’s discomfort.
“Don’t worry. Though my teeth may be sharp, I don’t bite.” The clown said.
He smiled at the children, showing rows of pointed, white monster teeth.
“The name’s Laughing Jack! I’ve come to bring you candy and Halloween fun!” He said.
From his pockets, he threw candy, colorful, nondescript candy, on the ground.
“Go on, take them. It’s Halloween! Nobody is going to penalize you.” Laughing Jack said.
The children exchanged looks. They weren’t supposed to take candy from strangers, but they had never met such an interesting creature before, and who knew when they would again?
They scrambled towards the candy, grabbing as much as their little hands could hold.
“Now, what are your names?” Laughing Jack asked.
“I’m Izora!”
“My name is Davorin.”
“Unique and beautiful names! I like them!” Laughing Jack said, clapping his hands together.
“Thank you!” The children said in unison.
“Did you guys know that I have a magical carnival?” Laughing Jack asked.
“You do?” Davorin asked, for Izora was eating her candy.
“I sure as heck do! I’ve got lots of kids there who would love to meet you! Want to come?”
Laughing Jack seemed so sweet, so kind. Most of the adults in their neighborhood yelled and screamed, seeming to hate everything.
But not Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack was fun and had candy!
How could the children resist?
“Yes!” Davorin said. Izora nodded vigorously.
“Alrighty then! With a wave of my hands, we shall be taken to a Hallows’ Eve land!”
Laughing Jack waved his claws, enveloping them in black smoke.
In a split second, they disappeared. Not a single person noticed them missing. Not even their parents.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hi there, vampricone! Dropping by to give you a review. I will be using the YWS'mores method to help structure my review.
The Top Graham Cracker: I didn't even realize that there was a National Creepypasta Day! That's pretty cool. I sometimes listen to a Youtube channel that narrates Creepypastas lol I'm a bit of a wimp, though, so I only like to do it when my husband is home >_> though this was my first time hearing of Laughing Jack. So I'm curious to see what you have for us here.
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow:
Noticed them, what? I assume you meant missing so perhaps tweak that sentence to include that?
I believe this is the only nitpick I have. I have mentioned the italicizing in previous reviews, so you can always refer back to that if needed.
The Melty Chocolate Bar Ahhhh! This was pretty good, despite the short length! I like how descriptive you were with Laughing Jack in comparison to the minimal descriptions of everything else. It really put a lot of the focus on Jack and his appearance.
My favorite lines were these:
The Bottom Graham Cracker: I almost forgot this was not meant to a one-shot story and is just a chapter one, because I was like... is that it?? Where's the rest! That can't be all! Hehe. I do expect you have a bit more creepiness in store for us, unless you already posted it and I didn't see. If so, just let me know in the replies and I will check them out! Overall, this seems like a really good start to the story. Poor Izora and Davorin, though... can't imagine this is gonna end well for them...
I hope this review was a bit helpful.
~Iggy
The two chapters that connect to this:
The Trick-or-Treat clown | Chapter Two | The Carnival
The Trick-or-Treat clown | Chapter Three | Halloween’s a big game!
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed!
ahh Laughing Jack is back!
I'd like some more characterisation of Izora and Davorin here, before Jack comes into the scene. I think the fleshing them out would mean there's more impact when they disappear at the end and because we only see Jack from their perspective I'd like to know a bit more about them.
I know you said they were children, but little hands implies really young for me. How old are they?
Noticed them vanish or noticed they were gone in general? Either way, what a sad end for them! Or perhaps not an end, but a beginning?
Hopefully catch you for chapter two!
Icy
Ooohhh spooky! Very interesting how the children disappear just like that.
Ah yes, spooky indeed!
This is great! Can't wait for the second chapter!!
I%u2019ll let you know when the second chapter comes out!