*This fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33 [2]”. The main character of this story is a fan child I made of Laughing Jack (who was created by Snuffbomb and is a clown) and Jeff the Killer (this version of Jeff was created by GameFuelTV. Jeff’s common choice of weapon is a knife). My comment below links the fanfics that connect to this one. Basically, the fan child is leading her crush to her house. It’s very simple, but nevertheless, I hope that you enjoy this!*
Corbin had read through my poem and that’s why he’s following me as I lead him over to my house. School has ended, so I’ve got to take him to meet my parents!
We’re in the woods area of my neighborhood now. We passed many of the mansions and now I’m wondering if Corbin thinks that my family is rich or something. Is he going to be mad at me when I tell him the truth? Is he going to hate me? Is-
No, Janice. He still hasn’t met your fathers yet. He’ll take to them well, because he’s more understanding. Don’t worry about it.
That calms me down a little bit, but not entirely. I’m scared that he’ll be scared and then he’ll run away, but he won’t be able to run far, because my parents will get him. I won’t have a boyfriend and my parents will have been right, just like they always are. I’ll have lost someone to love and then my fathers will laugh at me.
He better not be scared.
………………………………………………………………..
“Is that really your house? It looks abandoned.” Corbin says out of the blue.
We’ve made it to my house! It’s a dusty old mansion on the top of a hill, surrounded by a barbed wire fence. The barbed wire fence wasn’t there before, but my knife Dad put it in anyway to “keep intruders out”. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to rob a mansion that looks like it’s haunted by demonic spirits and has a “dark, mysterious past”, so I think that he just wanted to put it there just so he could hurt people even more and so that our house can look scarier.
But he won’t admit it, though.
“Well, it’s not exactly high end, but it’s still home! Come on, Corbin! If you want to hang out with me then you should really meet my parents! They would love to meet you!” I say, already climbing up the fence. There’s literally no time to waste and he already agreed to meet my fathers back at school, so like there’s no turning back.
“I don’t know…why does it look like that? Why would guys live in a place like this? Why-“
“STOP WORRYING AND CLIMB UP!” I yell, because I have nothing else to say to him and I really, really hope that he agrees with this.
He stares at the fence uneasily for a bit, backing away a little, but then, he runs right over and climbs up, without any hesitation in the world, with even some excitement in his eyes! Goodness, I am impressed!
I actually thought he’d run for a second.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
These two fanfics take place right before this one, so read these if you want to be in chronological order!:
Janice came up with a love poem for Valentine’s Day!
Janice gives her poem to Corbin!
And THESE fanfics take place when Janice is much younger (She’s ten years old in these, but thirteen years old in the one you just read and the ones with Valentine’s poems) and are in Halloween!:
Janice loves Halloween!!! (And she’s aggressive about it)
Jeff gets ready for Halloween…as an adult.
Okay, this is before Corbin meets the parents right? Let’s do this!
I agree with Janice, I wonder who would want to rob a house that looks like this xd
I’m starting to think that Corbin should really see all the red flags. You shouldn’t allow yourself to get yelled at like this, you poor child…
And he goes for it, and doesn’t run! He’s a hero in my book! (And foolish but oh well).
Hm I feel like some more descriptions, maybe of what Corbin actually looks like when they talk, would really improve this snippet?
Hello hello! Here again for another quick review!
Flowers - striking details in the work that made me smile
I like that this is in present tense. Reads like a diary entry!
These stakes are crazy!! I'm digging the irony that Corbin has VERY GOOD reason to be afraid, but as long as he doesn't show fear, he has nothing to be worried about. Yikes.
Record Scratch - areas that lacked clarity or disrupted the flow
Your author note is helping me here - I assume she's referring to Jeff by calling him her "knife Dad." The phrasing tripped me up a little bit at first, though, and I thought she was saying her dad did something with "her knife." A hyphen between "knife" and "Dad" should do the trick!
Sunshine - overall positive takeaways and words of encouragement
It's heartbreaking that Janice so badly wants to form connections/relationships outside of her parents, but getting truly close with someone means, unavoidably, putting those relationships in danger. She knows her dads hurt people, and she seems to feel at least a little bit uneasy about that ("I think that he just wanted to put it there just so he could hurt people even more"), but she also seems to be very fond of them. Her desire to introduce them to Corbin seems to be coming from an innocent place.
Great job, as always!
Wolfi
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed and yes, she%u2019s kind of a loner but wants more ppl to talk with.