You will never understand him like I do

*This fanfic is under my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. I wanted to post it to the Creepypasta website since they already have a Jeff the Killer fangirl Creepypasta (Nina the Killer) and I thought I’d give the official Creepypasta website a Laughing Jack fangirl, but I read their list of rules and realize that they actually don’t accept Creepypasta characters that are connected to other existing characters anymore. :< This means that the most iconic Creepypastas wouldn’t be accepted to the site if they were posted in this time period, lol. So this is the origin of my OC, Alyssa Stevins, who is a fangirl of Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack is a Creepypasta created by Snuffbomb. Alyssa and Kevin are my OCS. Eyeless Jack is also mentioned in this story, he’s a Creepypasta created by Azelf5000. (The story of Eyeless Jack was written by Azelf5000, but the image for him was posted by someone else). Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Okay, enjoy!*

Hello, everyone! My name is Alyssa and I’m fourteen years old! I love writing short stories and fanfiction, listening to music, collecting porcelain dolls, wearing pink, frilly lace and silk dresses from thrift stores, and Laughing Jack!

Well, in hindsight, I’ve never really had time to engage in most of my priorities because I’ve been doing things for Laughing Jack. It’s okay, though, because he’s more important than all of the other stuff and he’s right about a lot of things.

What is he right about? How am I writing this? Why do I like him? I’m going to explain it all to you right now, don’t worry! In fact, one thing that I’m going to say is that everyone is wrong about Laughing Jack. Sure, he’s a clown who murders children, but it’s not his fault he turned out the way that he did. He was just betrayed. Left alone to rot. He told me that he only kills children to be with them forever and that it’s exactly what he did to my friend, Kevin. He just wants to have friends with him. He just doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

I know what it’s like to be alone. That’s how I’ve been for a long time, ever since I was eight years old, until I really, actually met Laughing Jack. Until I met the clown who made me happy again, like when I was little.

It all started when I went to Kevin’s house at eight years old, in the year 2013.

Me and Kevin were playing with his action figures in his room upstairs, since we couldn’t run around the house and we weren’t allowed to go into the backyard, which expanded off into the woods. We live in Manchester, Vermont, so the woods being someone’s literal backyard is quite common over here.

Anyway, we were playing with his action figures for what I want to estimate was an hour until Kevin stopped suddenly and asked with this hopeful tone in his voice:

“Have you ever heard of Creepypasta?”

I shook my head. The word Creepypasta didn’t mean anything to me then. It sounded funny and weird to me, like Creepypasta? Spooky spaghetti? What’s so special about scary penne?

But Kevin, with this big smile on his face, told me to go downstairs with him to the gaming room. Now, this is Vermont and the internet connection is bad, but Manchester isn’t the woods-woods, so the internet still works. It’s just laggy.

We weren’t allowed to go into the gaming room until 3:00 PM and it was only 2:01 PM, so I didn’t feel all that comfortable with breaking the rules, because I thought that an adult would pop up out of nowhere and chastise us, possibly stop us from seeing each other for a period of time, but did I say any of this to Kevin?

No, I did not. Kevin was my best friend, my only friend. He let me play with his action figures, he didn’t think that I was “weird”, and again, he was my friend. I wasn’t about to make him upset and bring up “the rules”, because what if he stopped talking to me? What if he told me that I was a terrible friend, that I hurt his feelings, that he never wanted to see me again? I didn’t want to lose the only friend I had, I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, I didn’t want to watch all the other kids talk to their friends and feel jealous that I didn’t have anyone.

It probably wouldn’t have been a big deal to adults, but it was to me. It felt like my whole life was going to end, like everything wouldn’t matter anymore, if I didn’t listen to Kevin, if I didn’t follow him over to the computer room.

So I kept my mouth shut, tried not to let my head spin up new horrible things that may or may not happen, and followed him downstairs. He was my friend and from my understanding, true friendship was doing things to make the other happy, no matter what.

Kevin sat at the computer, scrolling through the stories on the Creepypasta website, while I stood and watched. Once I figured out that it was a horror-fiction website, I was even more disturbed than before, but I stayed with him, just like I promised myself.

We looked at many spooky stories from Slenderman to the Russian Sleep Experiment to even more that I can’t remember, but one Creepypasta stuck out to me in particular:

Laughing Jack.

Now, that seems like an odd Creepypasta for a girly girl like me to like, doesn’t it? Laughing Jack brutally murders children, he thinks guts and gore is funny, and he dresses in black and white. One would think that I’d resonate the most with Sally Williams rather than Laughing Jack.

But I liked Laughing Jack because unlike all of the other Creepypastas, he was magical. He was an entity who could do whatever he pleased whenever he pleased and unlike me, he didn’t care about what people had to say about him. He didn’t care if people were scared of him, if people made fun of him, if people just didn’t plain like him, he simply existed.

When Kevin read to me the first story about James and Laughing Jack, I was terrified by the intense amounts of gore, but also intrigued as to how Laughing Jack was able to do what he did, the kind of magic he had, if he existed in real life…

That being said, Kevin went straight to his origin after he read the story with James and so, I loved Laughing Jack even more, because his only crime was that he loved so intensely that it destroyed him, that it changed him. Isaac had grown up and become corrupted, he didn’t want to play with Laughing Jack anymore, he saw the clown as a nuisance.

I generally like childish things because they make me feel safe, they make me feel loved, they make me feel like a porcelain doll that has many secrets, many things to tell that nobody pays attention to, that nobody bothers to understand, unless they try to, unless they make the effort to.

It makes me feel valued and mysterious, to put it quite simply. I thought that Laughing Jack was the Creepypasta who would be the most to understand me and I also just thought that he was hot, that I could save him.

I know that Slenderman is an entity Creepypasta, but it doesn’t really have any personality. Plus, Slenderman stole kids and forced them to be its “proxies”. I didn’t want to be a proxy for a faceless man, much less a bald faceless man. Laughing Jack, on the other hand, was a clown with a cone nose who had tons of personality! He was exactly the kind of creature I wanted to hang out with!

That being said, Kevin’s favorite was Eyeless Jack, because he liked how his story was related to cults and demons and blood and gore and all that good ol’ edgy stuff. Where I liked how Laughing Jack represented a childhood gone wrong, Kevin liked how Eyeless Jack represented a man who was forever changed by a cult, made into a monster who ate people. Kind of like a male version of Jennifer Check, if you will. I wonder if Kevin’s obsession with Eyeless Jack was the same deal I had with Laughing Jack, where he had a crush on EJ, but I guess I’ll never know, because a few days after he introduced me to Creepypasta, he disappeared.

Yes, a few days later, Kevin just disappeared. There was no rhyme or reason as to why and how he disappeared, his Mom just came to his room and found that he was missing.

I actually thought that Slenderman stole Kevin. I thought that since Slenderman was so popular and obviously more evil than Laughing Jack and incredibly unlikable, he must have stolen Kevin out of anger that he dared to delve into the realm of Creepypasta. There was a part of me that wanted to tell my parents what happened, to let them know of what I thought happened to him, but there was also another part of me that knew if I said anything, they wouldn’t believe me and just say that Kevin was a “bad influence” and that we “shouldn’t have been reading Creepypastas online”.

So I kept it to myself, I tried not to worry about it. That didn’t help, though, because…

I had nightmares about chasing Kevin in the woods and not being able to keep up with him. I was convinced that these nightmares were omens that Slenderman had stolen Kevin and was coming for me next. People talking on the internet didn’t help much, either. They kept saying that he was real, that he was coming, that one had to draw pictures of him and listen to his orders in order to get rid of them.

But I didn’t want to draw Slenderman, I didn’t want to listen to him, I didn’t want to work for him. I wanted to work for Laughing Jack, I wanted to be Laughing Jack’s proxy, I wanted to go to fun circuses and attack people who I believed deserved to be attacked, and bring  fun and whimsy to all the world.

So I read Laughing Jack stories, listened to Laughing Jack’s theme of “Pop goes the weasel” , and attempted to summon him with videos on YouTube telling me how to. The summonings never worked, to my dismay, but the Laughing Jack stuff helped me deal with the pain of losing Kevin and the fear of Slenderman.

Laughing Jack was my light, my only comfort. I often fantasized about him wrapping his arms around me, treating me like a little kid who deserved to be loved, and protecting me from Slenderman. I even thought of him as a guardian of children, which I thought was more probable than Slenderman being a guardian because Laughing Jack was a clown who gave out candy and it was even theorized that he only attacked “bad children”.

This “shoving Laughing Jack stuff down my throat so I don’t think about Kevin and Slenderman” went on in secret for years, so much so that I often wondered how nobody ever thought to ask me if I was okay, if I was dealing with it well, if I really got over my only friend disappearing.

But something had changed one day, just a few months ago.

It happened after six hours of school, as soon as I stepped out of the building. I felt something crunch under my boots and so I looked down and found a piece of candy.

It didn’t look like any brand candy I knew about. It was just a red circle treat wrapped up in plastic, with a folded piece of paper taped to it, no brand name attached.

I picked it up and took off the paper, then I opened up the paper, very curious as to what it contained. The paper was written in crayon and had little stars, smiley faces, and balloons drawn around it. It read as follows:

“Congratulations! Alyssa, you have been chosen to be my best friend forever! Go to the Jumbles Country Park and if you go far enough, you’ll find my carnival!”

Candy? Childish drawings in crayon? And a carnival? Not only that, but the person who wrote it knew my name?

My heart was surging with excitement, an idea forming within me on who it may be. My head was telling me that it was either a creep following me or some weird kid who wanted to play a prank on me, but my heart…how could it be anybody else? The clues were right there! Besides, even if it’s fake, I would just fight, run, or call for help. It was no big deal, I’d make sure nothing bad would happen to me.

I put the note and candy in my dress pocket and headed out to Jumbles Country Park, hoping that my idea wasn’t wrong, that he was out there, that he was calling for me.

If anybody thought that it would strange of me to be walking by myself in a frilly long Grandma-style dress with a pink backpack with a white bow in the middle on my back, then nobody said anything. Maybe people just wanted to mind their own business. Maybe people thought that I had somewhere to be. Or maybe I didn’t “look right” or something.

Either way, I was grateful that nobody stopped to talk to me and when I got to Jumbles Country Park, I took a walk on the path amongst the trees. I had no idea where I had to go, but I thought that the clues would eventually reveal themselves to me, since there was apparently magic involved.

Sure enough, I felt a crunch underneath my foot and found a circle candy wrapped in plastic. After that candy, there was more candy leading off into the woods, so I knew to follow the path.

It’s a good thing nobody else was where I was in the park, because then I could get off the path that I was “supposed” to follow and instead follow the candy path in the woods.

I could get where I needed to be.

After much walking, I heard the tinkling of a music box, the jaunty music of a calliope. Right before my very eyes, the trees had parted to reveal a rusted-up, rotten-dusted, carnival.

The carnival held the faint, sorrowful cries of children, but that didn’t phase me a bit. They were young, they didn’t take the time to talk to him, to understand him. If they considered him instead of themselves, then maybe they’d be nicer to him. Maybe they wouldn’t be selfish brats.

Though the carnival was abandoned and in despair, I still marveled at the sight, for how many people get to go to a real, authentic carnival? It felt like there was a sense of wonder within the forsaken structures, that a ghost of fun and joy lingered in the air. The rides were waiting to be explored, an entire story was hidden by the Ferris wheel and carousel, and only I could write it. I, Alyssa Stevins, always open and willing to listen to the mistreated ones, the monstrous ones, the-

“I knew you’d come.”

I didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was, because I knew already.

He stood before me in all of his black and white monochromatic glory, his white eyes glittering at me as though he were thinking of something joyfully haunting. He smiled at me with a black lipsticked grin, the dust in his hair looked like snow.

All in all, he seemed like every inch of the exquisitely abandoned come-to-life toy that I dreamt of, but really, I needed to know:

“Why me? Why did you want me to come here?”

Laughing Jack’s lips curled a bit and then he giggled, a sound that was snake-like and childish at the same time.

“Because you are worthy, that’s why! Allie, you have something that a lot of the other kids don’t and that is the appreciation for what is old, for what came before you! Come to my arms so that I can make you perfect, so that you may join me!” He beamed, extending out his long, spindly arms.

While I was more than willing to join him right then and there, especially after he gave me such a compliment, I started to feel as though something weren’t quite right, as though there was something rather unpleasant in the air that I could not put my finger on, until it hit me-

“If there’s dead kids here, then is Kevin one of them? Can I see him?” I asked.

I hadn’t really thought about Kevin in clear depth until then, his blue eyes and one dimpled grin flashing across my mind, his eagerness to go deep into the woods where no one could find us, and most of all, his love of all the dark, disquieting creatures.

He taught me about Creepypastas, he taught me that most monsters just wanted to be loved and right then and there, I wanted him back.

Laughing Jack slowly moved his arms down. The smile on his face was still there, but it was a lot less pronounced than before.

“Of course he’s here. I saved him from the horrors of human life. Join me and I’ll take you to him.”

I couldn’t refuse, part of it being my urge to find Kevin and another part of being that it would be soooo cool if I worked for Laughing Jack!

So, I ran right into his outstretched arms as though I were a child and I let him hug me close, hug me tight. I knew that he was going to kill me, but I was ready.

I just didn’t want to go to school anymore, I didn’t want to hear my parents anymore, I didn’t want to be looked at as though I had fifteen extra heads, I just wanted to be loved the way I was when I was younger, before I got older and had all these expectations in order to be a “proper adult”, before high school, before-

Yes, I didn’t want to be alive anymore because I was simply done with everything, because the carnival seemed so magical and perfect, but goodness, I wasn’t prepared for what was to come next.

I thought I was at first.

Once I was in his arms, he tore through my flesh with his claws. It doesn’t sound like much when I type it down, but it felt like Hell. Like every inch of me was burning or being stabbed, just going through some form of torture and I could see that the whole carnival looked like it was going to swallow me.

Laughing Jack stood there, laughing at me. Cackling at my despair. I used to think that his laugh was cute from the anime laughs I heard on YouTube, but when I heard his laugh, his real laugh, one that hasn’t been recorded, I…I felt like I wasn’t quite in reality anymore. His laugh sounds like something that should be sweet, but it’s all wrong. It’s all distorted, like a broken VHS tape of a beloved childhood memory. It rings throughout the ears and the soul and is the kind of laugh you’d think about if you were all alone in bed with nothing else to do but let your mind wander.

When he was finished with me, I was left standing in the carnival, my bleeding, gutted-out ghost standing over my dead body, wishing that I could go home, that it was all just a nightmare, that I’d have my skin back.

But maybe, I could be able to find Kevin, right?

I looked in every corner, every inch for Kevin. All I saw were bloody, eyeless children staring back at me, with no emotion and no soul, just like dolls stuffed in the corner of some dusty old attic.

Laughing Jack said that Kevin was a proxy, so maybe he was around somewhere, just lurking in the corners, waiting in the shadows. Laughing Jack may have hurt me, but I wasn’t ready to believe that he was a complete liar. Maybe he treated Kevin better. Maybe Kevin was okay. Maybe-

All of my “maybes” stopped when I saw Kevin standing before me, his black hair filled with specks of blood, his eye sockets having been pulled out. My memory of Kevin was a little spotty, but looking at that mangled, bloody boy, I could see that he was none other than my friend, that he couldn’t be anyone but my friend and that Laughing Jack had killed him.

I knew that all before Kevin even opened his torn-up mouth and tried to talk to me but couldn’t, for he was too mutilated to even speak. I could see him struggling, I swear, I think he would have cried if he had eyes and all Laughing Jack did was, well, laugh.

My heart hurt at the fact that I couldn’t help my own friend, that we were both doomed to suffer, and now I miss mundane things like going to school and dealing with annoying people.

So here I am, typing my story out on a computer in the school building. I’m lucky that I’m able to phase through physical buildings and type on a computer room, but it’s kind of creepy to be around all of these computers in the dead of night, especially since I’m dead, but if this is how I can communicate with the world, I’ll do it.

I will even post a chain text story about what happened to me for others to read, so that people will know not to trust Laughing Jack. It should be common sense for people, but it wasn’t common sense to me, so I’m making a warning now.

Laughing Jack cackles and mocks us about how we can’t return to our families every night. I can feel the flesh on my skin deteriorating and decaying with all the time that passes by. I’m dead, but it still hurts. All these nights feel cold and dark and I have to leave soon before he notices that I’m gone.

A word of advice to all Creepypasta fans: Never meet your favorite Creepypastas. They will use your admiration of them to your advantage and torture you in unimaginable ways. Now I will forever be fourteen years old, forever looking like a gored body, forever abandoned.

I guess me and Kevin got what we wanted, in a twisted sense. Kevin has no eyes just like Eyeless Jack and I’m nothing but a forgotten memory, just like Laughing Jack.

This sucks.