Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*Happy spooky season everybody! Before we get started, I would like to go over a few things. Who is Laughing Jack? Laughing Jack is from the Creepypasta fandom, created by Snuffbomb. Creepypasta is a genre of internet horror. It can range from copy and paste stories, to a photo, to a video, and more! I repeat, LJ is from the Creepypasta fandom. He is NOT my character. He’s a creepy clown who pretends to be the imaginary friend of children, only to murder them in the end. Their souls are forced to haunt his carnival. (You can Google him if you would like to know more. This song will make more sense as it references his origin story and many other stories). Laughing Jack has his own theme song, but it’s just a scary version of “Pop goes the weasel”. There’s other versions of it with lyrics, but…there are other Creepypastas who have, in my opinion, cooler theme songs! I thought that Laughing Jack deserved a song other than a scary “Pop goes the weasel”, so I wrote this! Enjoy! But do keep the lights on when reading…
INTRO:
“Hey, kids! Do you want some candy? I have so many...”
*MUSIC*
SONG:
Careful, little ones
When a monochrome man
Offers you candy
You never know if he’s
Actually evil
He seems nice
He seems kind
But don’t trust him
Careful, little ones
When you’re outside
He might just appear
To be your friend for life
A friendship like this never ends
Not when you’ve got good ol’ Laughing Jack as your friend
He’s giving you the sweetest treats
Showing you the coolest tricks
He can make your dreams
Become a reality
Your parents will never understand, you think to yourself
They’ll never know about the wonder he brings, you think to yourself
Don’t worry, he won’t leave your side
Never ever in a million years, would he ever
Say goodbye
Careful, little ones
When a monochrome man
Offers you candy
You never know if he’s
Actually evil
He seems nice
He seems kind
But don’t trust him
Careful, little ones
When you’re outside
He might just appear
To be your friend for life
A friendship like this never ends
Not when you’ve got good ol’ Laughing Jack as your friend
Now it’s getting serious
He wants to ruin your life
He wants to cut you open,into little itty bitty pieces
Nothing can satisfy him, not until you die,
Die and stay a kid FOREVER!
But do not worry
He’s not real (Are you sure about that?)
He’s only a figment of your imagination (Really?)
A broken dream of yours
He can’t hurt you (I think)
Careful, little ones
When a monochrome man
Offers you candy
You never know if he’s
Actually evil
He seems nice
He seems kind
But don’t trust him
Careful, little ones
When you’re outside
He might just appear
To be your friend for life
A friendship like this never ends
Not when you’ve got good ol’ Laughing Jack as your friend
He wasn’t always this crazy
He wasn’t always this mean
He wasn’t always the nightmare intruding children’s dreams
He had a friend once
But that friend betrayed him
Now he wants more friends
To join him in his wonderfully twisted circus
Careful, little ones
When a monochrome man
Offers you candy
You never know if he’s
Actually evil
He seems nice
He seems kind
But don’t trust him
Careful, little ones
When you’re outside
He might just appear
To be your friend for life
A friendship like this never ends
Not when you’ve got good ol’ Laughing Jack as your friend
There, there, little ones
Do not cry
Do not shriek
No one can hear you scream, anyway
I know this looks bad
I know this looks horrid
But it’s what must be done
Your death is your destiny
The game has only just begun!
There were millions of children before you
Nameless children before you
Who have suffered the same fate
Of dying in Laughing Jack’s hands
You should have left that Jack-in-the-box alone
You should have never become friends with him
It’s too late now
You’re dead now
Careful, little ones
When a monochrome man
Offers you candy
You never know if he’s
Actually evil
He seems nice
He seems kind
But don’t trust him
Careful, little ones
When you’re outside
He might just appear
To be your friend for life
A friendship like this never ends
Not when you’ve got good ol’ Laughing Jack as your friend….
…Careful, little ones.
*Music fades. Faint children screaming and insane laughter could be heard in the background, followed by the sound of someone being cut open.*
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
Hi again vampricone!
I like the idea behind this! Creepypastas are quite fun to look into!
So lyrics! I am a bit of a songwriter myself. I think it's really cool that you are writing lyrics too! I think that the theme you have is a strong one since there is already so much lore behind Laughing Jack as well. I see that you are trying to set up a narrative, which is great! It's good to have some storyline for the song to follow.
I think that the one thing you are missing is a consistent melody though. Songs don't have to have rhyming in them, but flow is something to look for! Usually, a song will have a track behind it to keep the flow going. This isn't a big project, so I get that there isn't! I would look for line lengths and suggest you try to even them out. A lot of the line endings are cut very abruptly, which can throw the entire song off balance!
I'd also suggest looking into shortening the song possibly! There are many verses and the chorus feels overshadowed. I get why that wouldn't be an option for you though! This is all storytelling, which would make it hard to pick and choose.
This is mostly technical, but one tip I have for you is to look at other songwriters' work! Especially ones who emphasize horror! I'm still a beginner, but that's what I have been doing since I started writing lyrics! Of course, don't plagiarize anyone though. Taking some inspiration for yourself in private is a way big difference!
I'll definitely be looking into Laughing Jack's story as well!
— Solstice
Hello! Happy Review Month, I hope you’re having a great day or night : )
I admire the inspiration behind this song. Aside from what I’ve read from you, I’ve never been much interested in Creepypastas, but this in particular made me curious to check some of them out! (In that regard, do you have any recommendations in mind you think I should take a loot at?)
My favorite set of lines here were-
I particularly liked the latter, because it really expands on Jacks motivations here compared to the rest of the song. Once more, I’m generally quite uninformed on the lore, but I read this to mean “Laughing Jack” is really a manifestation of the fear of growing up. He collects the souls of children who feel ostracized by their parents or peers, and keeps them that way for forever. It’s really quite neat!
I did find the song to be a tad “On the nose” so-to-speak. Lines like
And
Don’t invoke much fear. They kinda remind me of those “stranger danger” videos we were shown in school, just amped up to eleven. I would’ve liked to see creepier imagery to set your readers on edge (I know very well you are great at this stuff, because you’re work has definitely creeped me in the past. I’m typing this out on my phone right now, so I don’t think I can find it, but the story in which the monster removes the girls teeth comes to mind. If you could translate that into your lyrics, you’d be set)
Overall though, this was a very well written piece! I was very impressed by this piece. I wish I could hear it being played properly, as songs don’t always translate as well written down, but as it stands, it was enjoyable, fast paced, and fun!
I look forward to seeing what you write next. Keep on writing, and Happy Spooky Season!
Thankksss%u2026 (The story you are thinking of is called %u201CPoor Amy%u201D. It%u2019s on my profile).
I think that you should Google his origin story and this one story with a kid named James and his Mom. There are also YouTube videos and many other fanfiction about him.
I feel as if there must be more stuff on him, so that is why I have works related to him.