*This fanfic chapter is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Nina is a Creepypasta character created by Alegotic-twevel. Chris is canonically her little brother, so he’s not my OC either. Alyssa is my OC. This is my AU of Nina’s backstory. Now, enjoy!*
Nina burst open the front door to her house and walked inside. Chris, as per usual, ran up to her with a drawing depicting some kind of dinosaur. She couldn’t tell with all of the crayon scribbles.
“Look, Nina! Isn’t it amazing?”
She sighed. Sure, it was alright enough, but really, did she have any time for it? No. She had loads of homework to do.
“Not right now.” Nina said in the nicest tone possible, which had Chris hang his head low and walk away from her.
At least he wasn’t crying. That was progress.
She trudged upstairs to her room. Nina didn’t want to be mean to him. If anyone didn’t deserve to get yelled at, it was him.
But Alyssa’s attitude earlier was strange and she couldn’t shake off the feeling that there was something more to her, something else that was far more sinister and that came out as being vicious towards others, like her younger brother, Chris.
Maybe homework would take her mind off that interaction.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,730 Reviews
These chapters connect to this one:
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter One: Car Ride]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Two: New house, old friends]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Three: Dinner thoughts]
Two cursed young girls:Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Four: Sleep?]
Two cursed young girls: Part One [Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Five: School]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Six: Odd individuals]
Two cursed young girls: Part One (Nina Alexandria Hopkins) [Chapter Seven: Creatures creeping]
Chapter Eight: Losses and lurkings (Part One) [Nina Alexandria Hopkins]
Hello Again, My Friend!
Continuing the Nina arc, let's dive right in!
To start, this came off as a short but sweet transitional moment between the chaos of school and Nina's home life, very nice to see! Typo-free, and I don't have any recommendations for change (again lol), so let's jump to highlights!
This was an unexpectedly cute touch, with the little sibling proudly showing off his drawings.
Ah, so sadly relatable...you're fed up, you're stressed out, you're feeling down, so whatever or whoever is around you gets to feel it too, even if you're trying to control it. I am also starting to think that there's a reason there's so much focus going toward Nina's brother here, after Alyssa talked about how "Kevin" was taken during her Laughing Jack summoning...Hm >.>
Overall, that was a good moment to continue building up the story. Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
And more Nina!
I like that she’s trying to be nice to her brother. I was a bit afraid of their relationship but it seems to be alright ^^
I also like that she’s starting to get suspicious of Alyssa.
That said, this one is again really short that I’m struggling with having things to say. Maybe you could have lingered a bit more on her brother to give this a balance to the dark thoughts she’s having about Alyssa?
Yeah, I think I could do that too. I might do it in another chapter.
I have a sibling of my own, so I don%u2019t want them to fight all the time. I mean they do have their arguments but she doesn%u2019t hate him or anything.
Thx for reading!