Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

For many years I thought that I couldn’t love

That my love for all was nonexistent

My heart always felt like it was made of wood

Hard, rock hard

Like the surface of the porcelain dolls I so love

People would come and go

I never had enough

I wanted to grasp hold and never let go

Play with them as I wished

But you, you taught me what it meant to really love

Your bloodied smile and your wild white eyes

Your black hair with bits of bugs

Oh, how I love those parts of you

The ugly parts

Because truthfully, you’re never ugly to me

You’re a monster, but you embrace it

You thrive off of it

People don’t like you, but you don’t care

You’re a clown, a confident, energetic clown of misery and woe

I don’t need praise when I have you

My music-box heart plays a song only you will truly understand

And I never want it to stop

Inside it is the doll you gave me to show that you loved

The proposal gift

I will never ever let it waste

Inside me, it is safe

I bare my teeth and bite into their flesh

Because they deserve it


And we deserve to rule the world together

Oh this is quite the beautiful little piece here. I never thought I could get as invested as I have about a ship between two child killing monsters but here we are, you've somehow really managed to convince me that they are right for each other. There is something about how two twisted ideologies can show their sort of soft side as goals align and make for something that really does feel like quite a strong love, united by the twin horrors that the wreak upon the world.

The wording here is beautiful. Lines like

I don’t need praise when I have you

My music-box heart plays a song only you will truly understand

truly do have the essence of how they are both monsters combining beautifully with themes of love and finding your missing half as it were. I never though I'd say this but this love truly does come off as beautiful and completing and for two selfish monsters they display an odd amount of genuine dare I say selfless and accepting love here and I think that is quite the incredible achievement here.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hai :3

First off, I have to say I am not familiar with the source here!! I'd really like to review this though, so I just won't comment on the characters!! ^_^

This gave me all the vibes!! It's perfect for the upcoming holiday season I think, with all of the spookiness!! There's such a haunting beauty here, and the progression from that feeling of isolation to finding someone who matches that energy is perfect ~~ Like, it screams devotion, but in such a unique and wild way; it's creepy, heartfelt, and filled with this dark energy. It feels like a love that’s not traditional, but it’s real for both of them, and you capture that beautifully!!

for many years I thought that I couldn’t love

This immediately hit me!! It feels so raw and confessional, like this person's been aching for something but never quite found it until now. The way you describe everything adds this delicate but cold imagery that makes the shift when they find love even more intense!! It’s like their heart, even though it’s hard, starts to move with that music-box metaphor you drop later on!! It's so cool to see how everything connects throughout, and how it comes up again at a later point.

Because truthfully, you’re never ugly to me
You’re a monster, but you embrace it

!!! This is what I'm talking about!! Like I said, there's this almost twisted sense of devotion!! It’s like they love the grotesque because it’s real and raw to them. The description is both unsettling and weirdly affectionate in the best way ~~ Like, I don't know the characters, but I feel their relationship through this. That's really good!! It transcends all the usual need for validation that comes with most writing about love, but that makes this so dimensional!! There is so much lore to them!!

^^^ Though, I think there's a slight missed opportunity to explore more of why the narrator finds the ugliness beautiful. Like, we get that they love it, but why? Is it the honesty of being a monster, the lack of pretense, or is it something else? You’re so close to making that connection really vivid!! Maybe even leaning into some darker imagery to explain why they’re so drawn to it would be great. I said I'm not aware of the characters, but there should be something deeper.

And we deserve to rule the world together

I love this ending !!!!

It’s like they’re ready to take on the world, together, as this monstrous pair, and it just builds up so much tension and power by the end ~~ Like, who knows what will happen now? It's almost like a cliffhanger!! Honestly, this feels like a twisted love letter, and I’m so here for it. I might have to do some research into these characters now because this is super cool to me!! I'll look into it soon!!

- Payton