Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well looks like a cute little moment here although of course in context of the whole story this is far from an adorable one. I think its a simple little scene here and you do it quite well.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Sally Williams wished that she had someone to play with other than Charlie. Charlie wasn’t even real, he was just a toy bear that she was pushing on the playground swing.

“Fly Charlie, fly!” Sally grinned, pushing Charlie harder on the swing. If she pushed hard enough, he would really fly. Of course, if someone else was cheering her on, it’d be nice, but then, like Daddy always said, she couldn’t play with everyone.

Well that's a start there. Feels like a very dangerous thing to be playing with there, unless somehow Charlie really does have wings of some sort. Otherwise that's gonna be a first and last flight.

Or could she? Maybe if she kept coming to the playground every day, if she kept asking people, then someone would say yes!

Sally sighed and shook her head as she got Charlie on the swing. It was fun for a while, but not anymore. Maybe she’d just tell Mommy to take her home. Mommy was talking to another Mommy, like always. She could just tug on her wrist and tell her to go.

Something bright caught Sally’s eye. It was underneath the bench, partly covered with leaves.

Oooh looks like Sally was starting to get just a little bit bored there which given that situation isn't too surprising but it would seem that she has managed to spot something exciting at the moment.

Sally ran towards the bench, heart pumping. Did someone leave behind a toy? WAS THERE A FREE TOY?

She placed Charlie on the bench and crawled underneath it, pulling out the bright thing.

It was a Jack-In-The-Box. It was a little old, but not too old.

Maybe she could play with it-

“Sally, it’s time to go.”

Maybe later.

Oh dear, I just realized what was meant to happen to Sally there. Well that Jack in the Box is going to be her undoing but at least it seems for the day she's safe from it. Better than a lot of her later stories are going to turn out.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall a very solid little story, showing Sally's age and innocence, leaving a little hint of mystery about this Jack in the Box and what it might just be. I think you balance that well at the end to give us a nice hint without it being too on the nose.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate

Hi there fellow writer! It’s Coffee again, here to drop a whimsical review for a fantastical person! Let’s dive into it, shall we?

To start, I would like to say I love how short yet simple it is. You can already feel the impending doom that is probably going to inflict its self onto innocent little Sally and although I don’t know the full story, haha, I can imagine it’s not going to be a pretty life for Sally when she grows up.


It’s kind of typical though. Sally’s story.
The character a story focuses on is usually not a normal kid and they’re usually bad at making friends or bullied. That but is quite typical and a it’s not a bad choice of cliches as it may have been called upon due to her story.

“ Sally Williams wished that she had someone to play with other than Charlie. “

That sentence makes the reader mentally assume that the story is a normal one and not at all tragic or horrific. But, as you read on it seems as if they’re hints being dropped here and there suggesting that poor Sally doesn’t have the brightest future, maybe she doesn’t even have a future. It really makes the story more interesting and makes the reader want to know what happens. Is the toy she finds unique? Does she ever come back to get it? What happens? Is it magical? Is it haunted? Why doesn’t she have any friends? Is there a reason? Why can’t she play with everyone?

Is she even normal??


(Oh shoot, I’m writing this at night and I’m scaring myself for no reason. Stay calm, calm. Jeez my stupid imagination……. I hate being alone at night sometimes. :’) I’m not scared..)

Overall, this was short but imaginative! Maybe next time, consider writing a bit more so there’s more material to base this of off. I loved this short story and definitely hooked! Thank you for sharing and sticking around!!
Cyaaa! Xxx