*This Creepypasta fanfic is underneath my folder titled “Creepypasta stuff”. Sally Dawn was created by La-Mishi-Mishi (This is the original eight year old version of her, not the new twelve year old version) and Laughing Jack (the clown) was created by Snuffbomb. The boy mentioned is Sam Williams and Sally’s cousin and he was created by CamyWilliams9. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Sally watched as the car pulled up in the driveway. Out from the car came a mother, a father, and a boy who looked to be a lot older than Sally herself.
It would be nice to have company besides her teddy bear, Charlie and…and the clown.
Speaking of which, she hoped that the clown wouldn’t scare them all off. Sally wanted them to stay forever.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
At first I thought maybe you had accidentally deleted the rest of the story, but then upon reading the review below I realised it was supposed to be this short. That's quite unique, and it shocked me that you did managed to convey a very creepy scene in such short words. However, I do think you could add some more description or action, or even just a very small amount of dialogue between some of the characters as I think in its current state it just feels a tad unfinished, like you stopped in the middle of a paragraph. But, I understand the vision and you should definitely still keep in short!
I used to love creepypasta too, so I love that this is about Laughing Jack!
Glad you enjoyed! I have other stories that connect to this. If you%u2019re interested I%u2019ll link them in my next comment.
I love the way you've kept this so short; I think just the simple mention of 'the clown' with no wider context keeps the eerie, spooky tone really well. I think the only part that doesn't really work for me is the 'covered by years of branches'. It feels out of place because it's more description than in keeping with the rest of the short story. I'd say either cut it, or add more description to the other parts so that it feels more consistent.
Hope this was helpful!
Icy
Glad you enjoyed! I%u2019ll add more stories to this later. ^v^