Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
*I made this song based off a Creepypasta character, created by Snuffbomb, named “Laughing Jack”. Creepypasta is an internet horror fandom. Anything from a scary story to an unsettling video posted on the internet can qualify as a Creepypasta. Google “Laughing Jack” to know more, but if you do, take caution when reading, because he has a gory/disturbing story. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
LYRICS:
Why hello there! The name’s Laughing Jack.
Do you want to make a friendship pact?
I will give you so many tasty treats.
I’ll tell jokes that will make you laugh for weeks.
I can play the accordion too.
Isn’t that so cool?
But be careful.
Don’t leave me behind.
I change my mind like a dime.
My colors will lose their shine.
I’ll rip you into pieces with no regrets.
I’ll just cackle at your death.
C-L-O-W-N.
All my friends play pretend.
C-L-O-W-N.
Nobody cares about me in the end.
Do you want to see my show?
I worked so hard to make it glow.
It’s broken, it’s torn, the music is wrong.
The children aren’t laughing.
It’s like they have no soul.
What do they want from me anyway?
Can’t they be grateful that I’m trying to make their day?
What’s the matter with all of them?
C-L-O-W-N.
All my friends play pretend.
C-L-O-W-N.
Nobody cares about me in the end.
Hey, why are you running from me?
Don’t you want some candy?
Surely you mustn’t think I’m scary.
You’re still running from me.
Stop it, child.
I have to kill you.
You don’t love me.
You never loved me.
You’re just like them.
C-L-O-W-N.
All my friends play pretend.
C-L-O-W-N.
Nobody cares about me in the end.
C-L-O-W-N.
All my friends play pretend.
C-L-O-W-N.
Nobody cares about me in the end.
C-L-O-W-N.
Even you didn’t listen.
C-L-O-W-N.
Even you couldn’t be my friend.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Hello, Junebug here with my next late review!
Shall we?
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This song also does a great job of capturing the horrifying essence of the misunderstood villain that is Laughing Jack. You've perfectly shown his descent from a happy, candy-giving friend, to a creepy monster whose resorted to violence out of a fear of abandonment.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
My only suggestion is when you write,
writing "their" instead of "it" makes more sense grammatically.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
The spelling of CLOWN in the chorus is a perfect rhythmic anchor that'll get stuck in my head.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this is a beautifully eerie song that perfectly represents LJ's life and origin. It's amazing that you were able to write this as a catchy song, while also creating a deeply unsettling story.
Thank you, have a good night/day, and be safe!
Hi! I feel like the lyrics are super catchy. It's got an easy to remember and enticing chorus, and the way Laughing Jack pushes away his friends by forcing them to stay is an irony that I enjoyed. I can see by the way he is asking why they are all leaving that he truly wants them to stay, and is confused by why they don't want to. My favorite lyric in this piece has to be the very last line: "C-L-O-W-N.
Even you couldn’t be my friend." It's a sorrowful and regretful last line that impacted me as a reader.
I think to truly dive deeper into this work, I would have to understand the lore behind Laughing Jack. But from the outside looking in, amazing job! The lyrics flowed and fit together very well from stanza to stanza. It wasn't overly repetitive, but wasn't scatterbrained either. The song feels engaging like a story does, and I love the introduction of Laughing Jack. On the surface (at the beginning), he seems like a fun guy, but then as it all progresses I can see that things aren't quite as perfect and safe as they seem.
Great job!!
Thank you very much!
My first time giving a review in almost a year. And of course it’s got to be on clowns — how fitting, lol. Why not? I don’t even like clowns, but your writing never leads me astray.
I’ll be using the s’mores method because it’s easy, it’s convenient, and (let’s be honest) there’s a pun I can make.
Top graham cracker
It starts off sweet and inviting — light, catchy, like something you’d hum along with.
Simple, sing-songy, and it does the job of getting you comfortable. That’s deliberate. It lures you in.
Chocolate
And right here is the flip. Darker. Heavier. The chocolate melts and the flavor changes.
That line is the turning point — the music of the song goes from “cute” to “uh-oh.” The clown’s sweetness starts to curdle into something bitter and unsettled.
(No marshmallow)
There is no soft, fluffy middle here. No cozy cushion to save you. That absence matters — it’s the point. Instead of melting into gooey comfort, the song keeps sliding toward something sharp.
That’s the bottom graham cracker — the final bite that crumbles into a little more madness. It’s intentionally gross and uncomfortable, and it finishes the sandwich with a snap.
All in all, this one sends me straight to the creepypasta archives. Laughing Jack isn’t here to roast marshmallows — he’s the reason you don’t sit too close to the campfire.
I love the puns and I love your review. :>
Forgot to click continue saying this was an edit so deleted this
This is certainly spooky vampricone! Your song here reminds me of another piece I've reviewed by you "I love you, Father (William's Song)" which had a circus theme as well. It's a great combination because the silliness of the circus / clown makes the scary / morbid pieces seem even darker and surprising in contrast.
I have to say since the last time I reviewed one of your works, I feel like you have greatly improved on the punctuation aspect - this song flowed so well with the rhyming and your punctuation was all perfect and consistent all the way through! Great job taking in the feedback and putting it to use.
I think you also have a nice blend of chorus and verse - which can get tricky in a song.
Overall the rhyming was fairly good for flow and cadence throughout - the only word that tripped me up a bit was "swines" - which didn't seem like an image that I'd connect in with the circus / clown theme so it felt a bit stretched.
Something you might consider for songs like this is maybe creating a little prose of a scene before and after the song to "set the scene" of where you picture this song being used. I sort of imagined a movie unfolding as the song was sung, but some of that context can help make the song even more impactful for a reader.
Good luck with your writing and characters!
alliyah
I edited the %u201Cswines%u201D part.
Thx for reading.
This has a really..I mean, I don't know how to describe it right now, so give me a second to collect my thoughts. I think this kind of sounds like a song you would find in a Tim Burton movie, like the opening exposition that introduces the reader to an antagonist. I'm really interested in this stanza, amongst many others.
"But be careful.
Don’t leave me behind.
I change my mind like a dime.
My colors will lose its shine.
I’ll rip you into pieces with no regrets.
I’ll just cackle at your death."
Clowns are often seen as happy-go-lucky people, depending on who you ask, and maybe don't ask Stephen King, but I feel like this seems like a commentary on mental illness, and how being pushed aside can cause an already broken/struggling individual even closer towards the edge, and this clown is trying to hold onto its only shreds of its identity, hence the constant spelling out of clown as C-L-O-W-N, or maybe it's just a catchy refrain. I'm not really sure if that is up for interpretation, though.
I'm really impressed with this, quite honestly. You should be proud of yourself for making such a nice piece of work that's so neat and clean, almost.
Well, you can interpret it if you want.
Thank you for your review!