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12+ Violence Mature Content

Crybaby and the clown-Birthdays aren’t funerals (Chapter Four)

by vampricone6783


*This is a crossover fanfic between two characters named Crybaby and Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb and is part of the Creepypasta fandom. Crybaby is the persona of singer-songwriter Melanie Martinez. I thought to myself one day “What if Laughing Jack was in Crybaby’s life?” This is Chapter Four of the series. I already made the introduction on my profile. This part of the story is based off the song “Pity Party” by Melanie Martinez. I recommend watching Melanie Martinez music videos and googling “Crybaby Melanie Martinez” and “Laughing Jack” so you can know the lore of these characters. In the music video, Crybaby throws a tantrum and destroys everything at her birthday party if people don’t come. This doesn’t happen in this chapter. This is a fanfic, so it will be a little different than what actually happens in the music videos. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



“It’s been three hours, Crybaby. I don’t think he’s coming.” LJ said. It had been five weeks since the bicycle incident. Johnny hadn’t gotten back to her, but Crybaby hoped that Johnny would come to her birthday party. She and LJ were waiting on the couch.

But no, there was nothing. A birthday cake sat on the table with still burning candles.

“Johnny is my friend. He’s got to come!” Crybaby pleaded. She didn’t want to believe that…that…that he was afraid of her!

LJ sighed heavily and got up from the couch.

“Humans aren’t very reliable. They pretend to like you and then they leave you. Come on, let’s have cake.”

“I won’t have any until Johnny comes!” Crybaby yelled, tears streaming down her face. He couldn’t possibly think to have cake without Johnny, could he?

“Johnny isn’t coming.”

“Yes he is!”

Why couldn’t he understand?

“I’m sorry, but he’s not-“

“Yes he is! I’m going to go tell him right now that I have a party! I’m sure that he just forgot.” Crybaby said. Sometimes she played with Johnny at his house. Maybe he just needed a polite reminder.

“What do you mean?”

Crybaby got up from the couch.

“I’m going to talk to him.” Crybaby said, running for the door.

“Hey now, where are you going? What do you think you’re doing?”

His voice faded away as Crybaby ran down the sidewalk.

She just had to remind him, that was all.


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Thu Aug 03, 2023 9:54 pm
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foxmaster wrote a review...



Foxmaster here for a review!
Okay, so first of all, I have read the other chapters, just to be clear, but I decided to go ahead and review this one. So far, I have noticed that all the other chapters seem to be much, much shorter than the introduction/prologue, which seems like an interesting choice to me, considering that the intro seemed also a lot more detailed than the other chapters.
It seems here like LJ is a lot more reliable and caring than Jack, to be honest, who seems like kind of a jerk. I like your characters, but in my opinion, this so far sounds like a slice of life thing, rather than having an actual plot. Maybe there's gonna be a big climax? Or not? It'll be interesting to see where you are going at with this.
I have to agree with @LuminescentAnt here, I could use some more description here about the party and stuff. Well, that's all, and I'm going to say that I love the song Pity Party😀
Foxmaster




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Wed Jul 26, 2023 1:23 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



hey vampricone, just popping by for a review whilst I'm on a break from work!

“It’s been three hours, Crybaby. I don’t think he’s coming.” LJ said. It had been five weeks since the bicycle incident. Johnny hadn’t gotten back to her, but Crybaby hoped that Johnny would come to her birthday party.

I like the stylistic choice of having one set of speech in bold but I guess I'm wondering if there's a reason beyond style for it? I don't struggle to keep track of who's talking; is there something different about LJ that warrants bold letters?

I really liked the way this paragraph set up the chapter. It's a good summary of what's happened so far, and helps lead us nicely into this scene.

Crybaby pleaded. She didn’t want to believe that…that…that he was afraid of her!

It would be great to explore Crybaby's feelings more here. There's a lot of telling us how she feels, but I'd like to see more of her thoughts and feelings.

Cyrbaby being defiant and determined not to believe Johnny isn't coming feels very realistic and I can't help but feel that something else must be going on here. The chapter's very short so I think you could easily combine it with the next one, where I hope nothing too bad is going on!

Hope this was helpful.

Icy




vampricone6783 says...


Thank you for reading. The bold letters for LJ is because he is a demon and his voice is more guttural sounding.



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Wed Jul 26, 2023 1:00 pm
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FluorescentAnt wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method Today!

Another mysterious chapter. Thanks for tagging me, by the way! I don’t know if I would have seen it if you hadn’t.

Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Well, this is a short chapter so I can’t say much. So it’s Crybaby’s birthday, but Johnny didn’t come because he thought Crybaby was weird. Makes sense. But are they still friends though?

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I think you could describe what the birthday party looks like. Are their guests, what’s the “theme” or something. Unless you are trying to be vague. Then never mind. But just a suggestion.

Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
You were really good at describing how Crybaby was feeling, and how she felt about LJ not believing her, and that he was coming. You really brought out the character’s emotions. Good job!

Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, a mysterious chapter again that left us at a cliffhanger. I can’t wait to read the next one! Happy writing!

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The first thing I do when I have a good quote is always to put a goat in it. uwu
— Liminality