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16+ Violence Mature Content

Crybaby and the clown-Alphabet Boy goes bye bye (Chapter One)

by vampricone6783


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*This is a crossover fanfic between two characters named Crybaby and Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb and is part of the Creepypasta fandom. Crybaby is the persona of singer-songwriter Melanie Martinez. I thought to myself one day “What if Laughing Jack was in Crybaby’s life?” This is Chapter One of the series. I already made the introduction on my profile. This part of the story is based off the song “Alphabet Boy” by Melanie Martinez. I recommend watching Melanie Martinez music videos and googling “Crybaby Melanie Martinez” and “Laughing Jack” so you can know the lore of these characters.*

She was so tired of his attitude! Usually, she always forgave him, but yesterday was the last straw!

The last straw! She wasn’t putting up with him anymore!

But what to do with him?

Crybaby sat on her bed, staring at her wallpaper.

“Hello, Crybaby.”

“Laughing Jack! You came back!”

“Of course, dearie.”

She couldn’t be any happier to see her dear monochrome friend!

He handed a sharp knife to her. She cocked an eyebrow at first.

Then she giggled in understanding.

“Thanks. This will definitely help.”

“Of course. What are friends for?”


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Thu Mar 30, 2023 7:21 pm
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JadaWalker wrote a review...



First off, I just want to say that I am only one reader and these are only my own opinions. My word is not the authority. So, take what resonates and discard the rest.

I'll start with the compliments. I thought this was a very interesting introduction to your story. It has suspense and you've introduced a tension between your two main characters. It leaves the readers curious about what happens next.

Now, a bit of constructive criticism. I find it hard to connect with the story because I don't really know anything. I think that you're going for an element of mystery, but readers need something familiar to feel attached to the story and want to keep reading. I don't know where they are, I don't know what it looks like, so I'm unable to conjure an image of anything. I suggest adding something to ground readers; a description of the room, a description of the characters, etc. I also suggest expanding upon what you have already written to create a more fleshed-out version of this story.

Overall, I found this to be a very intriguing read and am interested in what comes next. Great work!




vampricone6783 says...


This is Chapter One. I made an Introduction called %u201CCrybaby and the clown-Carnival%u201D. You can read it if you want.

Thank you for reading this.



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Thu Mar 30, 2023 7:20 pm
JadaWalker says...






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Tue Mar 28, 2023 7:40 pm
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SkyJayde wrote a review...



Heyo! I’m gonna review your piece.

Before I begin, I want to say I love your idea of a crossover, makes it more interesting.

Now let’s get into the review;
First off, I want more context. Who is Crybaby angry with? At first, as I read on I genuinely thought she was upset with Laughing Jack but when he offered her a knife I was even more lost then before. It felt like you were leaving the reader in the dark with very little context to grab onto.

Second, I found it interesting how you started this piece. Not what I was expecting as emotions were already high. It was like reading the aftermath of an argument. I’m sure you did this to build suspense and it worked! 👏👏

Lastly, just a bit more of character description would be nice. I know you said to Google these characters but it would hit differently if you wrote down what they looked like and maybe tweak the character designs a little. But that’s just my opinion of course.

Overall, your story was great for an opening chapter or whatever. It really has the potential to be extended into something more. Great work.
☁️SkyJayde☁️




vampricone6783 says...


She%u2019s angry with Alphabet Boy, her boyfriend that wasn%u2019t really a good person.

Thanks for reading!



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Tue Mar 28, 2023 9:58 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a pretty interesting continuation here. After reading the previous piece I very much wanted to see more of these two and even if this is a bit short I love seeing this dynamic having developed. It seems to be quite the deadly combination there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She was so tired of his attitude! Usually, she always forgave him, but yesterday was the last straw!

The last straw! She wasn’t putting up with him anymore!

But what to do with him?

Crybaby sat on her bed, staring at her wallpaper.

“Hello, Crybaby.”

“Laughing Jack! You came back!”


Hmm well it looks like Alphabet boy from that earlier piece we read has manage to act horrible to a point where Cyrbaby here is actually going to finally get rid of him which given how things went that other time sounds like an excellent idea.

“Of course, dearie.”

She couldn’t be any happier to see her dear monochrome friend!

He handed a sharp knife to her. She cocked an eyebrow at first.

Then she giggled in understanding.

“Thanks. This will definitely help.”

“Of course. What are friends for?”


Oooh well I suppose you can't exactly expect the most wholesome forms of help when it comes to getting helps from a friend that happens to be quite fond of killing people. The way that Crybaby just accepts it so quickly there and thinks that's an excellent idea is an interesting choice too. It seems despite being a bit of a wholesome duo they are definitely about to commit at least one murder there together.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think as far as a first chapter is concerned this is pretty solid here too and I do find myself wanting to read more of this. It looks like these two are going to embark on a bit of a journey.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Mon Mar 27, 2023 10:58 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Hi there vampricone! Icy here with a short review!

I think crossovers can be a really interesting idea, and it can be fun to introduce two characters to each other that would never normally meet.

This was an interesting start, and I liked the way you put Laughing Jack's text in bold. It reminds me a little bit of when Terry Pratchett used to write his character Death, who only spoke in italics. It's a fun stylistic choice and has the added bonus that the reader will always be able to tell when he appears in a scene even if you don't use his name.

I do think you could make the setting clearer though as an introduction. It would be nice to be able to place where the characters are and have an idea of their surroundings just to be able to immerse us in the story some more.

Icy





The first thing I do when I have a good quote is always to put a goat in it. uwu
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