The rest of the chapters are under my folder “Creepypasta stuff”!
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*This is a crossover fanfic between two characters named Crybaby and Laughing Jack. Laughing Jack was created by Snuffbomb and is part of the Creepypasta fandom. Crybaby is the persona of singer-songwriter Melanie Martinez. I thought to myself one day “What if Laughing Jack was in Crybaby’s life?” This is Chapter Six of the series. I already made the introduction on my profile. This part of the story is based off the song “Milk & Cookies” by Melanie Martinez. I recommend watching Melanie Martinez music videos and googling “Crybaby Melanie Martinez” and “Laughing Jack” so you can know the lore of these characters. This is a fanfic, so it will be a little different than what actually happens in the music videos. Another nickname for Laughing Jack is “LJ”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*
Crybaby watched as the wolf took a seat next to her at the table. She had woken up in a box and upon opening it, found herself in a room with pink fuzzy walls and minimal furniture.
There was a note on the light blue fridge that told her to “leave the cookies on the table no later than three o’clock”.
Through tears, Crybaby had made the cookies, but with a bright epiphany, added a dash of poison.
With greedy, glinting eyes, the wolf took a cookie and bit into it.
At first, nothing happened.
But then, he coughed, sputtered, and fell to the ground, screaming in gargled gasps.
Crybaby laughed as the wolf struggled for life. Was that how Laughing Jack felt every day? Bringing down those who had hurt him? Those who had deserved it?
Her smile grew as she laughed. Just like that, she was free! Just like that, she was the one in power!
Laughing Jack…was he still waiting for her?
Crybaby’s smile fell, her laugh faded out, as the wolf slowly died at her feet. They had such an awful fight earlier, would he forgive her? Would they still be friends?
Would she be able to tell him how she poisoned a monster? She, sensitive little Crybaby?
Would she have anyone?
The rest of the chapters are under my folder “Creepypasta stuff”!
With greedy, glinting eyes, the wolf took a cookie and bit into it.
At first, nothing happened.
But then, he coughed, sputtered, and fell to the ground, screaming in gargled gasps.
Hey vampricone! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
I should have reviewed this earlier actually, but I completely forgot. Anyway, here is the very late review.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This was a pretty short chapter which followed Crybaby being kidnapped by the wolf. In this chapter, she made a cookie that had poison in it, and she was able to escape because of this.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
I think this chapter could use a little more explanations for things. You said that Crybaby put poison in the cookies, but why was she even allowed to make the cookies if she was kidnapped? How did she know how to put poison in the cookies? Did she have poison or did she know a recipe for poison? It could use a little more of these kinds of details.
Another thing I noticed was that there was a little bit of an absence of visual details. You described the pink walls and furniture, as well as the wolf's eyes, but that's about it. What did he look like when he was being poisoned? What was the mood of the setting?
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I liked how you wrote Crybaby's thoughts during this chapter, as it is important to know the main character's perspective on things. It's interesting that you described Crybaby to be slightly evil and feel good about killing the wolf. And it was good that she thought about how LJ was doing. He is a killer too, so I wonder what he would think.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
There isn't a lot to say about this chapter since it was pretty short, but overall it was an interesting addition to the story. I'm glad Crybaby was able to escape, because I was kind of worried about her. I hope you will keep writing this series!
Happy Writing!
Points: 226
Reviews: 1362
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