Young Writers Society

Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will quickly say before we start I want to say that I haven't read the original creepypastas so I might get something wrong. With that being said I think that's enough preface and I should get a start on the review proper. Let's get into it, shall we?

Overall this short piece is packed with content despite its length. From what I could tell this is very close to the original story for Nina and it could be an interesting start to a further retelling. This poses a lot of interesting questions about what could happen and just how innocent Nina is. Sure this seems like innocent escapism but I feel it could easily slip into obsession. Much like Kate said it's hard not to feel bad for her yet I feel this will go bad quickly.

I feel you could explore a lot of interesting and relatable themes. there are already hints of what could be delved into with just how much emotion is in this piece. ( You did a great job with that by the way ) Of course, there are the obvious themes of isolation and escapism but parasocial relationships could be explored as well.

Now normally I would put feedback in this part of the review but I don't have much to say. The only thing I could possibly bring up would be fleshing out the settings. Stuff like What does the school like is it new or old, are there posters? The same kind of thing could also be applied to her bedroom. However, that's very nitpicky.

I found this a good read with a lot of potential to kick start a character arc or rewrite. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

This was quite a complex set of emotions for such a small piece. We have to sift through Nina's fears and worries and being bullied at school. We get a great sense of the horrible situation that Nina is in, having no one to love her and protect her and turning to Jeff the killer which only makes it worse for her because she's called weird. It seems a bit like a spiral so we feel very sorry for her but then again Jeff the killer is Jeff the killer and have to wonder how she's fascinated by someone so horrible.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Nina was all alone, eyes wet with tears. Why did everyone in school have to call her “weird”? She knew it enough already. She knew that people looked at her strangely with her makeup, that they didn’t get her “obsession” with Jeff.

But in her mind, Jeff didn’t judge her. He simply wiped away her tears and promised to kill all who dared to hurt her. He didn’t think her odd, because he himself was left behind by the world.

As Nina sat alone in the halls, she saw Jeff materialize next to her, and wrap his arm around her body, bringing her close to his chest. Nina could smell the fresh blood on his white hoodie, and knew that she was loved, that she was protected.

Jeff kissed the top of her head, a kiss so soft and sweet that it raced her heartbeat.

Nina woke up in her dark bedroom, with only her Jeff plushie to keep her company.

It was all a dream. She was still a “weird kid” to the world, and no one wanted to date her.

Nina sunk back into the sheets, burying herself within.

Stupid, pathetic girl. She thought as tears rushed from her eyes.

What a sad little excerpt, poor Nina T-T This is cool, though! Nicely done!