Young Writers Society

This is so old--yet still funny, Jacko Smacko. Bravo?

Even though you don't want a critique, I just want to say that this poem is awesome. The ryming of it is fluid and the picture it gave me was fun.

Aw, all the awesome ancient kids posted on this.

I saw the title and knew it had to be from either you or Bek. Ah, good days. And the world was created by oranges or something, right? Almost as good as when you were talking to us about weapons and crazy pink sheep...

Oh wow. I love this. XD

<3!

Haha! Funny.

I love that song. You know, the ducation one? Don't know what it's called. Yeah... that one. Ahhhhh, good times, good times.

Dude, this is so old, it's not even funny. I wasn't even around YWS then! XD

But really. You and your sandwiches. You're crazy! XD

12 inch sandwich grasped in my hand
gonna finish it, i'll be damned - Don't force rhyming.
bright lights alive in the night-time
dry throat, bit of pepsi i'll be fine - try a comma after pepsi.
talking idly to someone i don't know
check my watch, almost time to go...

he charges in
with eyes of a god

"anyone got a lighter?" he squeals - squeals? no man squeals, not evena drunken one.
in his divinely drunken drone
we shake our heads, but stare in wonder
"you look like that guy from pink floyd",
he splutters. i'm incredibly bewildered -
but he sings, "We don't need no education"
with his fist in the air, like he just don't care. - Seriously, you are forcing these rhymes.
and he stares at me and Lundy, - Who's Lundy?
with magnificent eyes, and he cries -
"You should be the leaders of all of us!"
and runs away.
he's back, though, a minute later
and screams "Hey Teacher, leave us kids alone!" - He's drunk, not mentally disabled.
but this time, disappears forever.

a puff of smoke
and he's gone
a messiah
an unlikely messiah


What.. the.. heck. You forced those rhymes. This poem would be so much better if it rhymed. I guess drunken people sometimes are idiots... but some of it was random.
I've never met a drunken person, so I don't know )
I think you could do much better with this poem.
You're a pretty good poet.
KEEP WRITING!!

Hehehe. That was quite amusing. Loved the Pink Floyd reference.

I got a kick out of it. Funny stuff, man.

Very idiotic...oh sorry....uh...*runs away*

It was pretty cool for a gag about Drunkism.

This poem made me burst out laughing...ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY after reading the rules of Drunkism. Cool. It's just so...strange and completely idiotic. Well done.

Firestarter wrote:12 inch sandwich grasped in my hand
gonna finish it, i'll be damned
bright lights alive in the night-time
dry throat, bit of pepsi i'll be fine
talking idly to someone i don't know
check my watch, almost time to go...

...Are you still drunk, Firestarter.

And I do get it, after reading the Drunkism thing in the random board.

It was pretty good, at times it was choppy but I liked it (although you said not to critique it).