Thanks Soy.
I suppose most of your queries are due to the fact this is for my sister. She's an accountant, who goes to uni in Edinburgh, and was due to go on holiday to New York at New Year with her boyfriend, but the broke up. I wrote this about that.
But yeh, it needs some punctuation.
Interesting...not my fav, but interesting. Nit picky time though love.
First stanza, do you need
It seems kind of redundant tome. If it's christmas, it's winter. And I'm not so sure aboutwinter christmans
. I understand that you were going for something, I'm just not seeing what it was. Also, switching from 'fucking cold' to 'fiery anger' just isn't cuting it for me. Maybe, though a little cliche, still nic eimagery. 'cold fire anger'? It fits better with your other imagery.stylish thing scarves
norwegian pine trees are prickly,
they hurt when you touch them.
up-and-coming english girls are
hurt when you touch them
it was all so much simpler
when you were a manchester lass
the castles of edinburgh
the skyscrapers of new york
just weren't made for accountants
with high heels and low tolerance
leave the temper at home.
Hey FS. I love this! It flows together smoothly enough and I like your word choice as someone else said. Great work as always!
Damn but you're good! I have to say this is one of my favourites by you. Hell, one of my favourites on the entire board. Love it. Keep up the great work!
You have a lot of power in your words. From reading your poetry, it's evident that you spend a lot of time intricately placing words together...with you it seems like nothing is repeated or said twice. I always get that edge-of-seat feeling...
I really like this, especially the personal style of the poem. The dedication and the conversational tone really adds to the interest. So good job there. The only thing I'm unsure about is the punctuation. You have full stops at the end of the last two stanzas, but what about the first stanza and in between? That's just unimportance though, I'm nit-picking.
norwegian pine trees are prickly,
they hurt when you touch them.
up-and-coming english girls are
hurt when you touch them
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