Young Writers Society

The title means "saviour of the world". The poem links Christianity with the World War 2 dead, or the idea that both Christ and the young men 60 years gave their lives for a worthy cause, but both are slowly being ignored by an increasingly ignorant world.

Clues are in phrases like "crooked steeple, battle-worn", "shivering in november wind" (remembrance day 11th of november, or whatever you call it in USA), "a blazoned cross befriends" (ie the christian cross on their gravestone their only companion) "Lordly sacrifice" (note the capital), "youthful nescience" (meaning both ignorance and agnosticism) etc. etc. I tried to put plenty of subtle clues along the way. Seems its not obvious enough. Ah well.

What does it mean, anyway?

Looks like the title only makes sense to me, then.

Scratch this - I'll write a new one for the competition.

I understood it a bit, but I don't see how the title fits with it, and the whole thing is a little too descriptive.

I did tell you the requirements.

Simply, the topic is "a building." The limit is 48 lines.

This doesn't sound like my writing? I doubt a competion wants my emo crappy "a girl doesn't like me" type poetry. It won't work.

It is descriptive, yes...what's your point? Question: how can a metaphor be blatantly stated? I need some examples please, and a batter explanation. The metaphors are stated...because well, that's called writing. You haven't critiqued it at all, just got me confused as to exactly what you are critiquing. Please pick out the lines you think are crap, are good, etc etc.

If you didn't understand the poem, tell me so. Nitpick it if you want, but if you didn't understand the poem, admit it, because that's the key part.

arg, wordy. ok, a few questions before I do any ripping.. what are the requirements for this contest? A specific buliding, stanzas, words... you didn't give us much to go on there, and that can determine cuts that need/can't be made.

now. this doesn't sound like your writing. not necessarily forced, but not entirely natural. Too descriptive. if there's no limit or minium for words/stazas (or words you have to use, etc.) then write this..well, more like something you enjoy writing. there are so many metaphors you could use here, but most are just blatantly stated (or what you wrote is completely over my head). the effect isn't what you could make it.

Nit-picks later, of you so wish.