why do we do it to ourselves?

by Firestarter

Published July 7, 2005

In Old awful stuff

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Chevy
Comment
Chevy commented Comment · Jul 8, 2005

A little lengthy and in a strange way kind of boring. However, it had a good point. Finally, something I understand.

User avatar
Meshugenah
Review
Meshugenah wrote a review Review · Jul 7, 2005

good question, why do we.

i agree with Sarah, last line of the 4th stanza seems rather long.

I don't really like the last line of the first stanza, it doesn't feel quite right to me..

Love the 4th line of the secondstanza ;)

First line of the 3rd stanza, did you mean here?

I also agree that the last line is a bit lackluster (er, lacklustre, as Jack has informed me it should be spelled)

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DarkerSarah
Review
DarkerSarah wrote a review Review · Jul 7, 2005

This is very, very good. The only thing I had a problem with is the last sentence. All the other stanzas seemed very strong to me, and that ending was just a tad weak. I didn't think it related to the rest of the poem very well.

across a crowded room filled with the smell
of teenage hormones and suicide attempts


I loved those lines. They were a little awkward sounding, but I think that worked in favor of this piece, because it's obvious that this love, or whatever you might call it, is a little bit awkward.

and war and politicians and everything we should never have seen on tv.


This line is a little long, but it sounds fine. You might want to break it up or maybe take out an "and" to make it read more smoothly.

I always enjoy reading your poetry, and I think this is one of my favorites.

-Sarah [/quote]



I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.
— Thomas Edison