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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
A little lengthy and in a strange way kind of boring. However, it had a good point. Finally, something I understand.
good question, why do we.
i agree with Sarah, last line of the 4th stanza seems rather long.
I don't really like the last line of the first stanza, it doesn't feel quite right to me..
Love the 4th line of the secondstanza
First line of the 3rd stanza, did you mean here?
I also agree that the last line is a bit lackluster (er, lacklustre, as Jack has informed me it should be spelled)
This is very, very good. The only thing I had a problem with is the last sentence. All the other stanzas seemed very strong to me, and that ending was just a tad weak. I didn't think it related to the rest of the poem very well.
I loved those lines. They were a little awkward sounding, but I think that worked in favor of this piece, because it's obvious that this love, or whatever you might call it, is a little bit awkward.
This line is a little long, but it sounds fine. You might want to break it up or maybe take out an "and" to make it read more smoothly.
I always enjoy reading your poetry, and I think this is one of my favorites.
-Sarah [/quote]