Young Writers Society

Thanks everyone.

This was wonderful poetry. I really loved the 1st stanza the most. I especially loved the contrast made between fire dancing and bitter cold truth.

Great poem

Oh Jack... You're so amazing. I absolutely love how the title contrasts so wonderfully with the first stanza, and yet you made a reference to the "bitter cold." I agree with everyone about the "bottom of the wick" section - I literally stopped and said, "Now THAT is poetry." Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

The last stanza is brilliant.

The whole bloody thing is brilliant.

Major love for this piece.

Jack, I reslove to steal your talent, and bottle it with Ari's and Dusky's. just a few things, but in context stuff, so green my comments shall be! oh lord, that was bad.. but I did tell you have I have bad joke for just about everything..

You're my candle-flame in the dark.
Hope lingers in your passion,
your fire-dancing, your refusal you have a parallel thing going here with the "your" repeated, but it loses its impact when the lines are split, at least for me. However, putting them all on the same line would be too long for the stanzas.. maybe do away with the "your" in the last part of the third repitioion? arg, thinking about this makes my head hurt, darn you!
to realise the bitter cold truth. The life
you love will only go as far
as the bottom of the wick. chills. i got chills

*

I can't walk the same paths anymore I think the "anymore" is necessary, but awkward. me? helpful? claro que no!
where our feet once tred; the ground
is bloodied beyond recognition.

Skidmarks and carters adorn
the muddied earth. I remember watching
us fall and wondering where it was
we tripped. that's it. I'm stealing your talent and keeping it. Unless you write more. that was beautiful. jeesh. I'll just go ponder my own lack of abilities, now. beautiful.

The first stanza was quite wonderful. Liked the rest of the poem, too, but I love the first stanza. I really like the pacing, too, with the

*

thing. Good show, ol' chap.

oh, the name is fantastic, too. Tis why I read it.

Excellent. I really enjoyed this read; don't have anything to add at this point.

Brian

The life
you love will only go as far
as the bottom of the wick.

The life
you love will only go as far
as the bottom of the wick.

I can't walk the same paths anymore

beyoind