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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
i like the lawyer lines..
'itseld behind locked bars crying for sympathy.
did you mean itself?
Like Skeptic said, parts roll off the tounge quite well, and like Morgan said, your style does seem to be changing. And at the risk of sounding redundant, this is one of your better pieces, i think.
"one day you will find yourself chasing it blindly
throwing money for greedy lawyers and hoping
you can make a great escape, fall into the arms
of your saviour and be utterly complete. "
Wonderful.
It seems like your style is starting to change a bit...for the better. I'm starting to understand your poems and I can feel them.
I think this is one of the best things I've read by you.
i love this:
"starstruck lovers in comets of beauty collide and explode
and the rest of society is left to pick up the mangled pieces
of broken hearts and stolen kisses"
That's wicked awesome. Overall I liked it. Some parts rolled off the tongue beautifully while
others were choppy and confusing but kinda tied into the "incoming/falling" feel of it all. (Not
sure if that was intentional or not) Didn't get the lawyer part but love the astrology of it all
(its because I'm a dork) As usual, nice work