You & I

Wow Firestarter, you've really improved in leaps and bounds since I was here. And you werent half bad then lol. Kudos mate. I love this poem. You've really got the hang of this poetry thing; your words have power and substance. I didnt like the last stanza; something was a little off there, the rhythm perhaps. It just didnt seem necessary. The poem kinda finished at the previous stanza, you know? First and second verses were superb. Sublime in the poetic sense, encapsulating something securely and completely, without excess of words. A few nit picks; its "lay" not lie (bit awkward, both - new word perhaps?). I'd say "fresh" instead of "afresh", but thats just me. I guess you could really lose the two bottom stanzas without hurting the poem, they lose the impact and freshness of the first two, but thats up to you. Again, I love it. I am completely floored by your talent (not to mention jealous!). Keep it up!

i liked it. it was a good example of .... romance etc. and it was something everyone can relate to although there is a lack of poetic imagery in this.

Holy crap that sounds like my friend...from Boys Have Cooties mode to Ehmagod I Love Lipstick overnight...*shudders*

'Bonds and bones can be broken, that's why we have a connection, '

Gack. Try
'Bonds and bones CANNOT be broken,
that's why we have a connection'

It would sound a lot better separated...and I think that's basically what you were going for.

Jack, you're a brilliant writer. Sheesh. I love all of it. Absolutely love all of it. *shakes head* You're too good lol.

first poem in a long time.

First few lines ring far too close to truth for comfort. last three lines of the first stanza are the same way.. I got chills thinking about it. Nit-pick wise.. (I think it's time to die of shock) I don't really have any for this stanza.

2nd stanza. second half of the first line sounds awkward. also, looked at literally, it doesn't make much sense (purely literally, of course!) but firuratively (or, in my case, my strange sense of the world) ohhhh. the milk analogy sounds wordy (as in words, not in context). Last line sounds selfish.. and exactly like something I'd say (you didn't invade my brain and not tell me, did you? *whistles*)

3rd stanza. I.. i can't say anything about it.

4th sounds.. sad. not angsty, just sad. not in a pitiful way, more like.. god, I wish that didn't sound so much like me kind of way.

as usual, my critiques are reduced to musungs rather than anything truely constructive. This had a different.. something, tone, i think, than your more recent works. maybe it's the author's view of the situation.. more reflective.