Young Writers Society

I was hoping to make the dailogue the focus of that section, so if you see any mistakes in that I'd like that. Also, anything general you have to say about why it's not as good, please say so!

It's OK...not the greatest post yet, but it's kind of a filler. If it's meant to be some big revelation, then tell me and I'll help you fix it up.

Thanks Harley, and Sam.

By the way, a new update has been posted up there ^^ if you want to read any more.

Wow this is excellent, Jack! I really like the fighting scene, but i didn't think i would, you write it differently, with no big words or anything. Go you! I really like this and i can't wait for more. Nice one!

Much much much better. I just think in one part you need to start a new paragraph, the one where's he's like "i must be going' and then he's outside...that needs to be separated if you're not going to describe his actually going outside and meeting Lorena.

By the way, Sam, I've changed that bit a little. I hope it will alleviate your confusion a bit. I edited my original post in the Napoleonic Fiction topic. If you still don't get it, I'll probably just re-write the whole thing.

Yeh, I was gonna extend that part. It was a bit "rushed". Mainly because I got bored and want to get to the fighting part.

This is great, i won't deny you that. But I am still confused about what happened between James and the portuguese girl...that wasn't very clear in the original post. I'll go over it again, and if it still confuses me, I'll let you know.