(yes, I finally have time to sit down and do this, and am not skiving off a bunch of hw in the process)
ok. the first time I read this, I almost screamed COMMA'S! now, I don't have to (aka, I thank you for that). Now. Nit-picks, and yes, I'm in critique mode, as Sam likes to say.
It was obvious that with no guards walking alongside the carriage there would be a few scouting ahead and a couple scouring the nearby countryside for potential risks. This was a dangerous area and doubtless the passengers had made suitable precaution
sounds contradictory. no guards implies weakness, but then you say that means there must be guards of some sort, and scouting ahead. what if this group was especially stupid, or didn't know the area? then would they know to bring guards? unless you character likes toerr on the side of caution, and assume the worst possibility, but it's still a bit confusing. or, you could state the later bits of the paragraph first, and then the first part, and avoid any confusion, and nit-picks like me.
He had always worked alone. The Lone Marauder they call him. 50,000 silver pieces, dead or alive.
tense. call should be called, I believe. well, it could work either way.. but I'd stick with called.
And then it came – a hardly audible sound of boot hitting the ground, but he felt the tremble against his pressed-down ear.
when did he press his ear to the ground? and then, right after this, you change from past to present tense, "jumps" instead of jumped. actually, this entire paragraph likes to just around from past to present and then back.. same with the next.. intentional?
ok, tense keeps jumping around.. not sure if you meant to do that or not.. it annoys me a little, but the effect is kinda cool, but I'd stick with one tense for now (unless it's thoughts, speech, yadda yadda, you know that, though).
Fresh from another murder, he wipes blood from his blade using his sleeve. He doesn’t even take another glance at the young man that he has just killed. Back to the edge of the tree line. The carriage has moved on some distance and if he waits too much longer it will be lost in the vast empty meadows that filled the next few miles. No place for an ambush. No robbery.
first sentence is awkward. rest is just a bit.. like thoughts. different than other parts. good effect, but a little confusing if read fast.
hehe, nice ending.
name.. interesting. quite interesting. now. more?
oh yes..what hunter said.. I agree. that and tense! please, tense!
ok, bek done and out.
It only had my full attention in some parts, but I like the cold, malicious way he does everything. Next bit please! Lol 
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Reviews: 488
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