Young Writers Society

I like it, but there were a few little things that would make it even better.
"novels onto the ceiling until your fingernails cry"
"On" instead of "onto" would make it flow better.

"you couldn't fake yourself through basic
even though we both know you killed god."
Seems a little random, you could probably bring the vague idea into the poem before the last line, just to add to the effect.
Overall, great work though!

alrightly then. overall, flow sounds good to me. The third stanza seems a bit rocky between the first and second lines, but it looks rather intentional.

ou scrawl
novels onto the ceiling until your fingernails cry
roses
these lines, and

spending
time on bonding strengthened your footholds
enough to suffer being walked over again and again.
and

you couldn't fake yourself through basic
even though we both know you killed god.
this i like. First one, especially.

Second stanza. innuendos and imagery. heh, sweet.

Something of a sleep-bed motif (sp) here.. first stanza, third stanza. passive, or rather, suppressive, second stanza (last two lines). Ok, I'm seeing some creepy parallels between the first three stanzas and something else (prolly just me), mind if I don't comment on that and discuss it with you later (when, I don't know, but.. eventually).

just one question: loreal advert? I keep thinking the shampoo..

by the way, I still like the title (literally translated, especially).