Young Writers Society

your opening made me think of a beating heart. this idea should be carried on throughout the rest of the piece, because it can work in so many ways. generally, the first stanza is very HUMAN. the last line is so natural, with the waves etc, it should almost go later.

in regards to the later, perhaps there is a reason for introducing the animalization of humans in battle in the second stanza, and then the, uhm, disintegration into basic geography by the last stanza. the degredation over time.


though i am quite fond of those last two lines. quite fond.

Well, it was purposely romantic. I've been reading too many British historical books recently and I've just felt even more patriotic than usual, so this was really just a glorification.

If you're referring to the last two lines as the "ending fell apart" I found it suitable to leave the last words to Napoleon.

I did not like this because : A. It was too romantic and B. The ending fell apart. The rhyme scheme in the second stanza, intentional or not, was disruptive to the flow of the poem. All this aside, I like the poem's message, but think you could have done it without so many adjectives.

Yeh, I reckon that's why no-one has commented, because they don't really understand the topic.

Interesting...

It sort of has that vague prophetic feel to it, if you know what I mean. Not that that's a bad thing. It's also got some rather sybolic lines in it.

Maybe if I knew more about European history, then I would be able to get more out of this piece. It was a good poem, though.