Young Writers Society

Jiggy, may I ask why you just critiqued a story I stopped writing two and a half years ago?

Thanks anyway, lol.

*lifts glass*

Here's to how much you've improved!

(I was wondering why I wasn't informed of this story, lol.)

Nice work over all, but comma's kill this piece:

Ravin lay, perfectly awake, on his mattress

Who was he to disagree with such a wise, and truthful, man?

Whenever, there was too much danger, he didn't hesitate to run.

But there is a small line between honour and stupidity

perhaps the Machuli, but not the conscripted men of Norfor.

That strong force, in that darkness, was enough

Her cries echoed the silent camp

"As much as is necessary, [s]lad[/s]. All you need to do is make sure you're not one of them. That goes for all of you. Look after yourself, look after the ones beside you."

They encouraged death, they sang for death, they cheered for death. They lived for death.

Wow, supernecromancy.

Although surprisingly I just read over this and didn't actually mind it ... a first for something I wrote two and a half years ago.

Firestarter i really do wish i could write like you, your so good at it . i feel jealous sometimes

Thank for the comments.

Does this take place before or after the last story snippet you posted? Just wondering ...

The men don't know that Ravin is the Sun Prophet?

And how are you pronouncing Ravin? I know, that's a very wierd question to ask, but I have a tendency to pronounce things differently than others. Mr. Green So far, I've been pronouncing it rah'-ven (a little like robin with a 'v' instead of 'b'.

This is just as good as the first part you gave us. Bravo and kudos! I do concur, you do write beautifully.

The men don't know that Ravin is the Sun Prophet? And how are you pronouncing Ravin? I know, that's a very wierd question to ask, but I have a tendency to pronounce things differently than others. So far, I've been pronouncing it rah'-ven (a little like robin with a 'v' instead of 'b'.

I love it!
I just have one question: Does this take place before or after the last story snippet you posted? Just wondering ...
You write beautifully; I can really see what is going on clearly in my mind. Great job!

~Skye Demon