Young Writers Society

I like how you're pulling the threads together. It's going at a great timing. And your switching POVs works nicely.

“You’re saying they set out tomurder?”

But worst of all was the death of a completely innocent woman, someone who was more a victim than anything in this whole circumstance.

Well, there's only so many superlatives I can throw at you three. Thanks guys! I don't really deserve you're kind words and awesome critique.

And you say this isn't outlined?

It fits so beautifully together, in all of its little layers...it would take truckloads of notecards in order to figure this out the proper way. Hmmph. *shuns Jack*

FOREVER THE HISTORIAN'S JOKE:

Really, I'm going to write an entire paragraph on a single, throw-away line.

We historically-minded geeks practically sweat out corny jokes. "Honey, does my toga make me look fat?" is no exception to this rule.

...in all of this gorgeous prose, the Other F-Bomb emerges.

So, Diane looks really good in her robes. Jade does not. How else shall we word that? I think this is the time for a corny analogy to take the place of Jade's bodily insecurities. How were the robes shaped? Was the color a bad one, as well? Do elaborate.

___

Ah, only one point to tear apart? Pity. I beg you- write badly, next time. Please? No more pretty stuff for you. That way, I have something to do besides dole out heartfelt compliments.

I do like the blind subserviance- something that Jade reacts to in a hilarious way. The whole situation is cleverly done, what with the child and the robotic response, and the suspiscion that this might actually be taking place within the frieze.

Good stuff.

Lo, dahling!

Apparently, the new movie I am talking about when I make mention of plagues and what-not is The Reaping.






Ta,
Cal.

You didn't think i would let this slip by did you?

Although she no longer stared in wonder, like the first few times, she still followed the sculptured with a smile.