Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Romantic

cigarette smoke

by Firestarter

scooby snacks

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
1259 Reviews

Points: 18178
Reviews: 1259

Fri Apr 01, 2011 10:01 pm
Firestarter says...

Very old and no longer in need of reviews. Thanks anyway!


User avatar
98 Reviews

Points: 2367
Reviews: 98

Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:18 pm
Qoh16 wrote a review...

I liked this. It has the imagery i can never seem to do. :( Anyway, it was also a little bit confusing as to who was speaking (but you cleared it up at the end) :) Weird but well written. Keep writing!!

User avatar
58 Reviews

Points: 1155
Reviews: 58

Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:52 pm
misstoria says...

I loved this! The emotion was great, and the countdown was genius! Keep it up!

User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 1045
Reviews: 20

Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:27 am
emilym1178 wrote a review...

I liked your story a lot! there was a lot of good material and great ideas. I liked the five steps of doom thing a lot also. I would say though, that maybe you should do it "step style". (ex. Step 1- "quote" Step 2- "quote") It is a simple change that I think would actually be really helpful to the quality of your story. I also think you should have the main character go into his feelings more when he's not saying anything, before the girl walks out. It basically only says "i didn't say anything, and she left" and that type of line doesn't intrigue the reader or tell them or show them what the MC is thinking. I also didn't really understand why he was freaking out hen she was only five minutes late, maybe you should let his anger build a little more slowly in that part. Over all the story was really good, and I liked the idea. Just revise it one more time and make a few changes and you're good to go.
PM me if you have any questions or you didn't understand what I was saying.

User avatar
36 Reviews

Points: 955
Reviews: 36

Mon Feb 07, 2011 11:22 pm
Cassie9960 says...

Really good job! Loved it ;)

User avatar
17 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 17

Mon Feb 07, 2011 8:21 pm
emmaline49 says...

You did a really, really good job! The "countdown" was a great idea and was really effective, too!

User avatar
67 Reviews

Points: 593
Reviews: 67

Thu Feb 03, 2011 2:25 am
PandaRawr says...

Well. This certainly had some emotion. That's good. I really enjoyed this peice,
and wish I could give you a proper review but I'm tierd as Hell. Bye now.

User avatar
263 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 263

Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:12 pm
Lollipop says...

Way Hay!! Great work Jack!


User avatar
798 Reviews

Points: 17580
Reviews: 798

Fri Apr 29, 2005 2:42 am
Areida says...

Good narrative in the character's mind, and excellent imagery. Great job, Jack. :D

User avatar
221 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 221

Tue Apr 26, 2005 6:43 pm
Kay Kay says...

I really liked it too. It's funny how it sounds like something i would write when I'm not doing 18th century stuff. Can't wait to hear more!

User avatar
23 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 23

Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:37 pm
mysterywriter says...

bravo! 8) what a perfect image of what it's like to get your heart broken.

User avatar
683 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:04 pm
Emma says...

That is really good! Awwww poor guy! :(

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
— Groucho Marx