Young Writers Society

I agree with Reichieru in the sense that it seemed like two seperate peices. The introduction seemed a little generic: the speaker, standing in front of the bathroom mirror, watches tears fall down his face and reflects on the mysteries of life. Nothing highly original, but it was well written, so I read on. It was surprising to find that the dramatic beginning built to revolve around the author's feelings on a football game. I don't know of anyone who feels that strongly about sports, so I guess that's why I was a little confused at first.


You did a nice job of creating a kind of tense, anxious household with lines like this: "My uncle is pacing around not smiling. MY sister is reading the newspaper glumly. My dad is sat at the computer uninterested. " (That bolded part should be "is sitting", by the way.) I felt almost as if I was there watching the game too.

Nice job with this. It'd be interesting to read your thoughts on the second half, as well as a peice like this from the eyes of a fan of Milan.

It made sense to me...

eh, I'll leave the tense stuff alone for now. just so you know what I'm looking at.. you have "I'm stood", and "tore" instead of torn, just those type of things. Nothing huge. Sounds good to me, and post the next part! lol (and your blog was ever so subtle, I must say )

I felt like I was reading two completely different pieces in this because the first half didn't seem to flow into the second half very smoothly. Both were well written, though the shift in attention to the speaker's feelings to the football game did throw my attention off because I was expecting this to be centred around something very different. The lead could be better, but it did make me curious and hold my attention enough to want to read on, and your thoughts were well organized and I could definitely understand his point of view.