Young Writers Society

Incandescence wrote:The end was overdone/melodramatic, yo. Or, something.

Wow... definitely my favourite poem of yours since you know i'd sing for you. By the way, we quote that at school and spoof it all the time now that I've done it for that Rhetoric assignment. If somebody asks for a pencil, someone else will say, "You know... I'd lend you a pencil..." and another person will add, "If you asked." or something like that. So yes, you are now famous. Well, sort of.

The end was overdone/melodramatic, yo. Or, something.

Pretty. It did seem to have a structure (always nice in poetry). There's just one itty bitty thing that bugged me. This line:

and struggling to escape it's tormentor.

A little typo. It should be:

and struggling to escape its tormentor.

Otherwise, well done.

That was...good. Kinda confusing at time, but very artistic. The italicized sentences in the beginnings were a great way to start out the poem. Although I once had a (woman) science teacher that was sexist *shifty eyes*.

Wow... definitely my favourite poem of yours since you know i'd sing for you. By the way, we quote that at school and spoof it all the time now that I've done it for that Rhetoric assignment. If somebody asks for a pencil, someone else will say, "You know... I'd lend you a pencil..." and another person will add, "If you asked." or something like that. So yes, you are now famous. Well, sort of.

Okay, so about the poem. I can't really critique this, but I did like the first, second and last stanzas quite a bit. The first really sets you to thinking, and I liked the line about reading someone like a bestseller. The last stanza really evoked some cool images... never really thought of common sense as something struggling to get out, but I guess that's why I like your poetry so much.

Overall, nice work.

Wow...I really liked this. From the title to the last line.

My only critique would be:

but nothing changes your DNA and the opposing side

was a mouthful.

but when it's the end of the world
do you think we'll have a reason to live?

what a splendid way to begin a poem!